Hi,
I have posted frequently in the past about my eldest son who is currently in residential care, supported for needs associated with autism and a long term mental health condition. However, I just need a little advice about caring for/supporting his brother, our youngest son.
My youngest son is 18. He received a diagnosis of GAD when he was 13 and began ‘refusing’ school. The school refusal went on until he formally left education two years ago. He received 5 hours of home tuition a week from a tutor sent by the LA, but in reality, he accessed less than half this provision because he locked himself in the bathroom when the tutor arrived. He also accessed some one to one tuition at a PRU when he was sitting his GCSEs. He achieved two GCSEs at grade 2 (old grade E).
Since then, he participated in a few weeks of a military preparation course and then gave this up and he has acquired two jobs and walked out of both these positions on the first day. He had an EHCP and attended a college course for a week, then stopped attending and was withdrawn from the course. For about two years, he has really done nothing.
He refuses to sign on for any benefits, because he feels he will be pressurised to undertake work, which he feels he cannot cope with or he will be classed as ‘disabled’ which may jeopardise his chances of joining the armed forces if he decides to do so.
He has a health anxiety and constantly questions me about whether I have a cold, whether I have been exposed to colds and so on. He also spends a lot of time wiping down work surfaces, checking switches to make sure they are turned off, checking my wardrobe to make sure there is no intruder there and so on. He has a rigid eating routine (weighing and measuring out his food, preparing his food alone, eating alone etc). He will not let me sit too close to him because he ‘feels moisture’ coming from my breath, but he will allow a night-time hug, as long as he is under the sheets!
He drives and has a small car, which I fund because he will not use public transport and he goes to the gym to work out for two hours a day.
My problem is that we seem to have reached a sort of stagnation. I hate to see this young man so isolated and trapped by routines, but I am also frustrated that I cannot help him and he will not seek or accept help for his anxiety. He was referred for an assessment for autism and a demand avoidant profile was mentioned, but he declined to pursue the assessment. He speaks quite negatively about his father and brother who have a diagnosis of autism and mental health conditions.
He is a very fit, strong young man with a strong need to control and I have adapted my routines to fit around his, and I feel this is unhealthy. I work largely from home, but I do have to go out to work for a few hours each week and during the time I am away, he will text me frequently to make sure I have not been in an accident and for confirmation that I will be returning soon. I would really like someone to support him, to help him re-engage with society, education, work and so on. My own efforts seem to have failed, but I do not know who to contact or what could be achieved if he simply will not see anyone.
I apologise for the thesis, but I just needed to get these feelings out in the open.