My fiance has been sectioned and blames me

My fiance has a mental illness and was Ill and hospitalised previously, he has been well for 4 years. He recently lost his brother to cancer, he became unwell and I took him to the doctors but he refused any help or medication. After the funeral he became very withdrawn and was hallucinating, I called the mental health team and the got a home support package in place. He was improving after around 10 days and then went downhill quickly, I noticed that he was throwing medication away, he genuinely thought he was not unwell, I called the doctor and they did their assessments and decided he needed to be in hospital, this was last week and he has not given consent to share information and is refusing to talk to me. He has given consent to his mum who is not a very nice person, she has blocked me and refuses to give me information about my fiances condition. I am really struggling to cope and need help but feel absolutely helpless any advise would be amazing. Emma

Hi Emma and welcome,

You definitely did the right thing, getting your fiancé support. Currently it is probably the illness talking rather than his rational response. If he doesn’t want information shared with you, there is nothing you can do. I wouldn’t engage with his Mum if she is horrible. You can write to him etc and let the staff know you are available to support.

The Mind website will have more advice than I can give as I don’t have experience of caring for someone with mental health problems, though others on here and may be able to advise further.


What you are saying is very common, mentally ill people often don’t want to take the medication, feel they don’t need it, they feel are alright when they are clearly not alright.

Sometimes they don’t like the side effects and you are not allowed to drink on some of the medications.

He blames you but it is not you, its the illness, he feels better when he is not .

The hospital will sort him out on medication, make sure he takes it and hopefully he will stabalise and have clearer thoughts about what is going on.

You care about him, if you hadn’t got him help who knows what would happened, ended up in a lot of trouble?

It is very difficult caring for someone with severe mental illness, you cannot cope alone.

Although he refuses you consent the mental health team still should be helping you, signposting you to places of support.

All Hospital Trusts have to have a PALS, Patient Liason team, contact them, they may be able to help.

Sometimes the mental health team arrange long lasting injections instead of tablets that like you say can be thrown away.

You can lead a normal life with mental illness WITH THE RIGHT TREATMENT AND SUPPORT and that is crucial.

Any more help needed, get back to me, I have a lot of experience with Mental illness.

Thank you both for your responses and taking the time to reply. This has been the hardest month of my life, coronavirus has not been up there for me. The situation has not changed, his mum is making decisions for him even though she doesn’t know him in the way that I do, their relationship is based on a couple of brief phone calls a week and a monthly visit. He still wont engage with me but has indicated to a friend that he is coming home on discharge. I am desperate to have him home but how can he if I don’t know what has happened. I am just praying that he comes round and let’s me be involved.

I don’t know have first hand knowledge of the mental health system, however, it seems to me rather difficult for you to support him if you haven’t been involved in anyway. Have you contacted the team caring for him and expressed your concerns and asked for help?


Upon discharge he should be given a support plan/discharge plan, otherwise likely he will just end up back in hospital.

If he doesn’t give consent then unfortunately this will not be explained to you but He will need regular support from the Mental Health Team and someone make sure he takes his medication.
You can still contact the mental health team and PALS who can give general support and advice.

The GP can help as well.

Again, thank you both for your input. I am calling the hospital daily, some of the nurses have been sympathetic to the situation and have given me small bits of information and I have managed to give them useful information so that they can understand his behaviours and support him better. I asked them about me being his closest relative, he cannot change that unless there is a good reason such as a safeguarding issue - which there is not. So I will be involved with discharge. I am told that he hasn’t really improved. I guess all I can do is sit tight and wait, which is incredibly difficult!