Mother refusing carers

Hi I’m after some advice please. My mother who lives alone since my father died three years ago has dementia, undiagnosed, as the memory clinic which she last attended 2 years ago are treating her memory problems as possibly depression. She has absolutely no short term memory and is now unable to prepare meals or take her own medication amongst other things.
My sisters and I have been calling with her every morning and night to give her food and medication even though she insists that there is nothing wrong with her.
Last year she fell and broke her hip but couldn’t remember falling or remember to not walk as her hip was broken.
We are finding it increasingly difficult to call twice a day and have suggested that we get private carers in to take over the morning call and we will continue to do the evening calls but she is adamant that there is nothing wrong with her and refuses to even discuss allowing them in her home.
She is generally happy enough but that’s because we are there twice a day and the arrangement suits her but it’s a huge burden on us with work etc. We haven’t contacted any services as I know it will make her extremely agitated and unhappy. If I’m being honest I feel that she is being selfish.
After her fall we installed cctv cameras but she cut the wires and also had a lifeline fitted but she refuses to wear it.
I’m in receipt of carers allowance for her other medical conditions and feel that due to this maybe I should be there mornings and evenings but that would mean giving up my part time job which keeps me sane.
Any suggestions on how we move forward would be gratefully received.
Thank you

Hi Paula

I’m not really sure what to suggest and I know that doesn’t help. As all that you had done to date I would have also recommended.

Why are you considering private carers?
Has Mum had a needs assessment and you and your sister a carers assessment. If Mum needs this level of care. Social services should be able to assist. Mum may well refuse entry to many carers. But until this has been explored and rule out as unproductive. These assessments should help Mum now and further deteriorates. Mum will be in the system and when a care home is needed should be able to help.
Even if Mum refuses to engage with any assessment’s. You and your sister can still have one.

You do NOT have to give up your job! This is what I call “non negotiable”.

How old is mum?
From your description, how can there be doubt about the dementia. She needs a proper diagnosis.
Does she own or rent her home?
Have over £23,000 in the bank?
Do you have any other relatives apart from your sister?