Me and wife care full time for both parent in theree home

Me and my wife left our home to care for my wifes mum and dad the plan was we would care for them for free and not pay rent now after 4 years mum as ask us for rent but we still have to care for them doing all the house hold jobs my wifes on esa and im on her claim is there any other benefits we can get as paying rent to mum leavess us broke

Hi Adam.

First off … an online benefits calculator … time to crunch some numbers :

Turn2us Benefits Calculator

Paying rent to your parents in their home ?

Several considerations … first one … how evidenced ?

Cash in hand / formal tenancy agreement ?

If the latter , Housing Benefit could come into play.

Housing Benefit: Eligibility - GOV.UK

If not , what security of tenure have you beyond the apparent " Employee / employer " relationship ( Albeit on a good old
fashioned barter arrangement … care / work for lodgings ? )

Should either parent need to be moved into a care home , all sorts of considerations then arise.

AGE UK best for those … when the time comes.

Enough from me , others will be along to add their insights.

Adam, is this what you want? Caring for parents and paying for the privilege?

I assume as your wife is claiming ESA and you are on her claim, that you are both of working age?

How old are her parents and what are their care needs?

Any changes to claiming benefits can result in being transferred to Universal Credit.

Was your home owned or rented?


Yes we are of working age but im disabled and have bad depression so does my wife we left our rented home in berkshire to care for my wifes mum who as copd and dementia and cannot stand for long and nearly blind and her dad who had a stroke and is bed bound he does have carers in to do his personal care but we do all the house work cooking and transport to hospital appointments gardening walking and feeding there dog help mum on the computer with her banking etc sorting out her letter get her ice water in the night picking her up after falls we are on call 24 hours a day mum is 75 and dad is 74 mums dementia is getting aggressive and see talks to my wife her daughter like dirt most the time i cannot say to her mum about how she talms to my wife else we will get kick out ghe house it as happen before where we had to sleep in the car we are at our wits end be cannot leave them and now with charging us rent at £280 a month she wanted £400 ut there was no way we could do that with car loans car insurance and tax fuel etc any advise what we can do

So Adam … how do the numbers stack up through that online benefits calculator ?

Rent … Housing Benefit … see my first reply.

I assume that CHC / NHS Continuing Healthcare is NOT a factor here ?

The more you reveal , and answer our questions , the more likely it is for us to being able to help you.

Looked at benefits calculator no good
Housing benefit mum and dad are not landlords so connot get housing benefits
Looks like we pay mum and dad for us caring for them forgot to say mum,s an alcoholic bottle of brandy a day so not in the right mind to think

So , how is the rent paid … in cash ?

What security of tenure have you ?

If none , you appear to be totally at the mercy of your parents ?

If they ask you to leave , what then ?

Time to consider your position … very carefully ?

What precisely do you need help with ?

Do they need the rent money, or are they just being nasty?

Suggest to them that you are remunerated at £20.00 per person per hour for the work you do - either that, or rent free.

Rent paid in cash
No security
We have our own living room in the conservatory which is boil hot in summer freezing cold in winter

The way I see it is, your choices are;

  • agree to stay but refuse to pay the rent, carry on caring for them as before.
  • pay the “rent,” be broke and put up with it!
  • move out, claim housing benefit element on Universal credit and the parents can have paid care worker support (funded by social care or themselves dependent of their savings) and you and your wife can visit them etc


Adam, I’m disgusted at the way you are being treated. It is one of the worst situations I’ve seen on the forum, to put it into context. You do NOT have to put up with this, I hope we can help make things better.


From now on, refuse to pay “rent”.

A bit more information would be useful to help us give best advice.

Does your wife have any brothers and sisters?
Do her parents own the house, or rent it?
Do you have any household goods of your own left from your former home?
Have the parents had a Needs Assessment, and you a Carers Assessment recently, from Social Services?
Do they have over £46,000 in savings?
Does your wife have Power of Attorney for them?
Which of them is demanding rent, alcoholic mum with dementia (the alcohol won’t help) or bedbound dad?! Is the money needed to buy the days alcohol?
Are they both claiming Attendance Allowance?

Do you have a mobile phone that can do short videos? You must now keep a diary and whenever either parent is having a go at either of you, get the phone out and record what is happening. A number of forum members have found that this is the best way of getting doctors and social workers to believe what is actually going on at home.

Yes brother and sister that come once a year at chrismas had no help from them
We have some furniture from our own house
The mum own,s her house out right
No savings
No assessmen
Wife does not have power of attorney
Mum asking for rent money dad as no say
Yes both get attendance allowance