I am an 80 year old carer of a wife of similar age who is bedbound at home, late stage Dementia and Doubley Incontinent .Dealing with all the personal care alone by choice!
Anybody in a similar situation? Would like to share experiences and ideas for making the job easier.
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@RB1
Welcome to the forum.
I hope you don’t mind but I have added to your thread title to clarify you are caring for your wife and not a care worker seeking advice (as this forum is for family and friend carers.)
I don’t have experience but others on here have / are caring for someone with double incontinence; some bed bound some not.
I’m sure they’ll be along to offer advice.
Do you get help from care workers with your wife’s personal care and do you get a break?
Thank you for your email and for making that sensible adjustment to my Thread Title.
I choose to do all my wife’s personal care myself for as long as I am able. I don’t have any professional care assistants involved. I do have three ,very supportive , local family members who come several times a week to assist me with some of the less personal care , do housework and release me for an hour or two to get out of the house, walk, shop, mix with other people . They also keep an eye on me to make sure I do not burn out and are good listeners!
I look forward to contributing to and benefitting from the forum.
RB
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Hello
I care for my 85 year old medically non compliant husband but I am 62 and in relatively good health. He does go through periods of fecal incontinence and the pads, eventually supplied by the NHS, are a godsend. Because he has a private pension I choose to try and ‘manage’ him on my own as I am not prepared to pay for Carers. TBH given he will NOT do things at set times, I do not see how they could help. The DN discharged him for ‘non compliance’. So I am trying to manage the area that may be vulnerable to pressure sores myself - basically with Cavillon and dressings and checking the area when he has a bath.
It is not easy and I am SO glad that you have family members who can help. I have a few very good friends and I have desperately tried to make new friends locally. Unfortunately my husband does not like me leaving the house and can say he feels ill just as I am almost ready to leave. I try to compromise by staying ‘local’ and several friends have offered to drive me home if he phones and says he is going downhill but tbh I think it is just coercive control and manipulation.
It is great that you have people to listen to you when you need to offload. This Forum is fantastic and has been a lifesaver at times. Do you have any visits from the DN? Have you contacted your local Support for Carers? I cannot get to meetings but I do have a telephone befriender and they have often been carers themselves so are very good.
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I buy all the disposables. The best pads that the NHS could supply were just not large enough or sufficiently absorbant so I buy ‘Maxi’ ones which are good but expensive. Cavilon barrier cream works very well and I sometimes use a prescription cream Timodine which quickly clears up any rash or inflammation.
Since my wife became bedbound I have been provided with a ‘hospital bed’ and pressurised mattress together with ‘slip sheets’ to make it easier to reposition her .All of these work extremely well. The most difficult work is changing soiled pads and cleaning in bed with my wife being unable to roll onto either side. The most frustrating is when you have just finished the clean up and another bowel movement immediately sends you back to the start!
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My wife is bedbound after a stroke and for a long time I did everything myself, but for a long time I also neglected my health till the point I had no choice other than to allow people to help, the carers were the best choice I made it helps her not only me as she now see’s more people.
It’s built in that we want to protect our family but we can not do it if we fall ill.
Think about what she would want for you, just give carers a trial no one can force you to take them.
Looking for help isn’t giving up.
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This ^^^ is probably the most important thing to remember. I try to get people to think of it this way: as parents we have the responsibility of making sure our kids get an education. But we don’t do it all ourselves. We send them to school for some of it. Caring really isn’t any different.
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