Last days (sorry)

I wonder if your father has a DNR or an “AND” form on his file. My father started with a DNR, then after multiple serious illness and conditions including Dementia he was given an "AND (Allow a Natural Death) " form . This turned out to be a blessing and put a stop to that relentless intervention which was going nowhere. I do hope your father doesn’t need it yet but if the conversation ever arises with his Drs in the future it may be a useful thing to know about.

When my mum was very ill in hospital, the consultant talked to her about what resuscitation involved, and the implications for her very frail body. He asked her if she “wanted nature to take it’s course” and that was what mum chose.
Ideally, this sort of question should be discussed with patients and recorded on file long, long before it is needed, for all of us.

He’s had a DNR for a few years now. It was done initially without his consent or any conversation with any family etc but eventually he agreed to it. This is was based on the very poor condition of his heart. He’s had pretty much everything replaced or fixed on it and we honestly thought he’d be long gone due to his heart alone.

Now he has made a ‘miraculous recovery’ (doctors words yesterday) there is apparently no need for an advance directive to be done before he leaves hospital and it can be done via the GP when the time comes. I did try to tell the same doctor last week that the GP in dad’s area won’t even visit the care home (about 300 metres away) so it will come down to whether I’m on site or not at the time.

The plan now is to mobilise yesterday and today with a view to him coming out tomorrow. If he was returning to my care I’d be saying no way - he was barely responding yesterday and they shouldn’t even have tried to mobilise as he was far too sleepy.
His mood had suddenly changed as well and he seemed incredibly depressed when we first arrived as if he suddenly understood everything but it changed within about 30 minutes to confusion again. They struggled to get him into the chair where he immediately felt sick and said he was trying to wee but couldn’t. After about 30 minutes they put him onto the commode but he could barely hold himself up so it took 3 of us REALLY struggling to manoeuvre him into the bed. The nurse wasn’t bothered that he had apparently fainted (I dispute this, people who have fainted don’t talk or move) and just said they’d try again tomorrow and it was because he was very weak. Last week when it happened they monitored his BP closely, hooked him up to oxygen and a drip - this time they didn’t even take his BP at all! I wouldn’t be surprised to see him back on fluids today or even antibiotics because 3 days ago I noticed his ear was leaking again but of course they’ve done nothing to investigate that…

My friend has a severely disabled son of 15 and when he goes into hospital (as he did recently for 50 days) one of them has to be with him 24 hours. Obviously I can’t do that for many reasons but I blooming wish I could!

I didn’t know about AND, thank you for mentioning that, I hope I can remember that but hope it won’t be required for my mother. It rings a bell in the back of my mind but probably from the news/radio or a tv programme, not something that I have been made aware of.

I wasn’t aware of it either so I’m going to look it up now. It’s not so much the intervention for us, it’s the strong desire to allow him to pass away with dignity and peace and therefore NOT in a hospital ward with 5 other people shouting for help, or indeed nobody actually noticing for ages that he has gone.