I’m 55, divorced, living with my two adult children who have significant needs (mental health and neurodivergence).
I’ve been in a relationship for the last eighteen months and I’m really struggling to keep it going. My other half, not unreasonably, wants more of me than there is in terms of time away from my house (I have to be on call basically all the time). I manage to take her out from time to time but I can’t stay over at hers, she always has to stay at mine, which - again perfectly understandably - she struggles with. I can’t predictably be available and I get overwhelmed and anxious and the GP/MH service can’t/won’t help me (the meds the GP can prescribe aren’t right for me, the people who can prescribe other meds or talking therapies which might help won’t see me as I’m not actively a risk to myself or anyone else, so I basically fall between the easily dealt with and the hard to deal with and there’s literally nothing for people in that zone)…
Things have come to a head and either I make some significant changes or I lose my relationship which I really, really don’t want to do.
How do others in a similar caring role manage and balance these needs? As I say I don’t think my other half is being at all unreasonable, I was clear that I was a carer from the outset but it’s as time goes on that she’s really understood what that does to me mentally and physically and in terms of my availability. She says if she could have a normal relationship with me she’d be happy but there’s only so much of me to go around and what’s available doesn’t feel like enough. I find this incredibly upsetting and can control none of the various factors at play.