Is it unreasonable to leave DH because he won’t get therapy?

Exactly that really. DH has anxiety, depression, is alcohol dependent, chronic IBS and the list goes on. He is sometimes pleasant and fun, often crabby, snappy, irritable, distanced, indecisive, doesn’t eat and when drunk verbally abusive, paranoid (perhaps delusional?) or gives us the silent treatment.
He has been promising to get therapy since July last year and hasn’t done. He was prescribed anti-depressants in October last year following a suicidal trip to A&E, he stopped taking them cold turkey a couple of weeks ago and sees no need for any professional input.

About 2 months ago I told him to take responsibility for his MH and start being a father (we have a 7yo). He improved for a while and had cut down on the drink to 4 pints a day. This week I told him he gets sober and gets therapy or we are done. He has been sober for two days but ignores me whenever I mention therapy. Literally behaves as if I haven’t spoken.

I’m viewing a house to rent today. Am I being horribly unfair and unreasonable leaving because he refuses therapy?

Your top priority must be the happiness of your little girl - and she needs a happy mummy. You have a right to a happy home, where you can relax, be yourself, etc. etc.

Are you ever going to get this with your husband? No, I’m afraid. You’ve given him long enough.

You certainly are not being unreasonable. He has been given the chance to have a happy family life and has rejected it. You have the right to be happy yourself, and your little girl is your priority. She obviously isn’t your husband’s priority.
Do what you need to do, which won’t be easy, but you have a mother’s strength.

His reaction to me telling him I’m done if he doesn’t get therapy/sober up was to be “really annoyed”. Weird reaction!

Sadly not a weird reaction. People with addictions will always play the victim. Always someone else or something to blame. He probably thinks " how dare you even consider leaving me’ not acknowledge why you are. Are you disappointed that he didn’t break down? I understand if you are. Stay strong.

No I’m not disappointed he didn’t break down. I thought he’d not care tbh and say “do what you want”. But he’s stopped drinking so he obviously does want us to stay (not necessarily for the right reasons I know!) yet blanks any talk of therapy.

I thought he might be apathetic, sad, worried, panicked etc but not “annoyed”

Annoyed because…
While you are around you will take care of things so he doesn’t have to?
No available sex?

You have offered him a reasonable ultimatum. The choice now is his. If he seriously want you and daughter in his life - he knows what he needs to do. This is make or break time; it might just be the jolt he needs. You will need to he remain firm however, and only get back together if he has attended therapy with regular commitment. Don’t fall for the trap of bailing him out. If you feel you are at risk of doing this, then notify one of his mates/family members that you have left him, you don’t want update, but are alerting them to his current situation.


I think because I won’t be there to pay the bills and take care of things, and because I won’t be buying a house with him and he can’t buy alone.

No sex for ages. Apparently I’m too fat to be attractive (size 18 and 5ft 7)

Surely that last comment says it all? (I’m taller and larger than you).

If he has no love or respect for you, get out asap.