Hi, I hope I’m posting in the right place. My DH started with MH problems 7 years ago when our business went bust. Panic attacks, depression, anxiety etc. At the time I was working part time as our baby was 6 months old so I upped my work (I’m freelance) and until our son went to school I worked nights and naptimes and was a full time mum in the day. I have supported our family financially ever since. DH works but doesn’t earn much and always spends his money on frivolities and holidays.
I have supported DH through thick and thin. He took to abusing alcohol to deal with his MH problems and became dependent on it, he took up vaping to try to replace alcohol but now he’s addicted to that! He tried an anti-depressant which gave him a psychotic reaction and scared his off the GP. Following a trip to A&E a few months ago with suicidal ideation he is on a different anti-D which agrees with him more. He also has awful IBS, inflamatory arthritis, and some sort of eating disorder. It’s all a big mess. He has systematically alienated most friends and family through his erratic, aggressive or paranoid behaviour. He refuses to get CBT because he “doesn’t need it” or “doesn’t feel well enough” depending on when you ask him. When drunk he can be really obnoxious, I often take my boy upstairs for the evening to avoid him when he’s off on one.
This week he stopped drinking. He is - of course - irritable, having awful mood swings, can’t sleep, bored, angry about not knowing what to eat, the list goes on… He has awful headaches and says he’s going to stop his anti-D so he can take codeine for his head (hugely bad idea!)
He’s not much easier to live with then when he was drunk
I just don’t know how much more I can cope with. I feel constantly shaky and achy. His emotional outbursts are like water off a duck’s back, I’m so disconnected from him. The thing is, we had 10 very happy years together before it all went wrong. That lovely, caring, funny man I fell in love with is in there somewhere. But will I ever get him back?
Our son has additional needs too, I do 99% of the parenting, DH’s idea of parenting is letting a 7 year old stay up until 1am playing on the playstation or giving him sweets in bed. I don’t have much local support, my mum lives ten minutes away but has stage 4 cancer so isn’t up to much. My sister and adult niece have very busy social schedules so can’t help me much. DH won’t accept help from anyone anyway, apart from me.
I feel like I’m being abused but he can’t help it. I just don’t know what to do. I’m sitting here with tears streaming down my face.
DH has taken the dog for a walk (first time in ages) so I’m hoping the fresh air will help his mood and the naughty pup doesn’t run off!
If you’ve read all that, thanks for listening xx