Incontinence pee issues

Hi, I’m new to the forum so forgive me if this topic has already been covered before. I am at my wits end. I don’t have an issue with my mother’s incontinence and I realise its a problem she cannot control however it is driving me mad. She wears pull ups and at night has an extra pad inside. When she has them on I am quite happy to make sure she is dry and clean. However, when I am not around, like if I go out for a few hours or during the night she takes them off and does not put a new one on. Consequently she will end up wetting herself. I can’t control the night episode as I can’t keep getting up every time she gets up or I will have no sleep whatsoever, but during the day she believes that if she takes it off she will be able to control her urges to pee which she never ever does. When I question her about why she didn’t put a pair of pants back on she gives every excuse under the sun. When she has exhausted all excuses she will say ‘oh well I have dementia so I don’t know why I didn’t put them on’. I’m not totally convinced that she is forgetting. It may be that she has forgotten but there are times when she will remember other things even when she only hears once, yet I have this ‘battle’ with her daily and she never ever remembers wetting herself. I keep telling her that the issue is not her incontinence and that we accept that. The issue is only with her taking the pants off and not putting a pair back on. I don’t know how else to deal with this and it is getting me really down having to find pee all over the place and washing and mopping all the time as also her pee smells really strong (she drinks enough water and has no infections - she has been checked and scanned by the bladder nurse) we can only put the smell down to her medications. Sorry for rambling on so much.

Can you have a word with the Dr, you can get tablets which reduce a persons need to wee in the night. Also I’d be getting a plastic sheet on the mattress and lino down on the floor. Also when your out can you get someone to sit with your Mum and remind her that she needs new pants on etc?.
That’s very frustrating for you obviously.

In the hope that it will help, here’s a link to the Alzheimer’s Society Factsheet about this issue. Just click the following

She is already on medication for this and has had the dose increased. We have mattress covers, sofa covers, laminate flooring and bathmats with rubber backing. Unfortunately there is no one that can sit with her when I need them. If I have an appointment it can be arranged but if I need to pop to the shops or to go out unplanned there is no one I can call on at short notice. It is very frustrating especially when she can remember other things without any problem. I am always surprised at things she remembers no matter how insignificant they are yet something so distressing she can’t remember even when it happens every day and night. She can remember people who have phoned her that day or programmes she has watched on tv. Yet taking off a pair of pants she has no memory of whatsoever.

Can I ask when this issue take place. What is your interaction with your mother. Could it be to gain more of your attention.

She does this in the middle of the night when I am asleep. She will take them off if they are wet and go back to bed with no protection, or she will take them off when I am out of the house if she needs changing. She takes them off but does not put any back on. But she can’t remember doing it. If I am in the house I will check regularly that she is protected and dry. If she needs to change when I am there she is usually fine and will call if she needs me . I leave replacement pants all over the place, next to her bed and on top of her bed, in the bathroom, next to the toilet, next to her commode, in every one of her drawers, in her wardrobe. She will often say she didnt put any back on because she couldn’t find any. When I point them all out to her she doesn’t know what to say other than ‘well I didn’t see them’ or ‘Well I have dementia, so I can’t remember’

Ring up the G.P and ask for your mother to be referred to the continence nurse.Hopefully they will have some suggestions?

We have a similar problem in that my mum will “shred” her pants at night…we have never got to the bottom (excuse the pun) of why she does it but when I come down in the morning it looks like a snow storm with bits of fluff from the pad everywhere…

We have made sure that they are not too tight and we have even swapped her to PJ’s so she has to take them off first to get to the pad but she still does it bless her.

We just gave up and have a waterproof cover and Incontinence sheets in the bed to mop up the accidents

Fingers crossed you find a solution x x

Mum used to do this too and then we changed the pants to a different type and she stopped doing it. We used to find stuff all over the floor too. They had a gel that used absorb the pee but then she would start pulling out the gel and fluff because she didn’t realise it was part of the pants and thought it was a pad that could be taken out. The ones that she wears now don’t seem to have that same gel and she has never done it since.

She is already seeing this nurse from the bladder and bowel clinic. She suggested the increase in medication which was done. It’s been a couple of weeks so maybe the increase will take effect soon.

Don’t suppose you have the make of the new pads…the ones she has now sounds like the ones with jelly in and it’s disgusting trying to clean it up as I’m not keen on getting any in the washing machine in case it clogs it up and the bloody dog is partial to eating it it if I miss any…which can’t be good for her

Tendercare or iD Expert Form. None of them have that jelly stuff, or if they do it doesn’t show and they don’t shred up. At the moment she is using Tendercare pants and also ID Expert pads for extra protection at night. Those other ones are a nightmare and hopefully the poor doggy can be spared.