I can’t do it any more. It’s only going to get harder and I feel suffocated. I have no space to myself, no privacy. Every decision I make has to be justified and explained like I’m a 15 year old boy. I am exhausted with it. I get no understanding from her that I’m struggling with my own physical and mental health, she just expects more, more more. I could devote my entire waking life to doing what she wants and resisting that in itself is exhausting. I can see where this is going and if I want any sort of life for myself I need to separate physically, living in the same home I’m never going to be able to truly be myself and move forward.
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@SimonA….I completely get it, I had the same situation with my husband who is now in a care home as he can’t manage at home. Things will eventually get better though I know how bleak they seem at the moment.
If all the love has gone then is divorce the only option left?
Haha, it’s my mother, but I can see how it read that way. Says it all really.
Tell us more about mum. I had counselling when mine was constantly demanding, completely ignoring my own disability! There may be some tips I can pass on.
Hello, Simon. Yes, that says a lot. Many parents never get used to the idea that their children have grown up. You don’t need to justify every decision. My own mother had a saying she regularly used: “Because I say so.” Maybe you need to bounce off some of her remarks like that.
You say you need to separate. Would it be practicable for you to find some accommodation not too far from your mother, so that you could visit her and she how she is doing, without the ties she is placing on you?
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My counsellor gave some good advice to me, when I said mum kept giving me new jobs before I’d finished the previous one. I said to mum “you asked me to do this, so I want to finish it before starting anything else”. I worked at my pace, doing it properly! Feel proud of what you are doing, not what you haven’t. Mum is lucky to have a child living near enough to help. Think of someone mum knows not in this position and remind mum that X has to manage without any relative to help them.
Hi Simon,
sorry to hear what you are going through. I’m in a similar position. I’m my mum’s live-in-carer, and although my 2 sisters and 1 brother give me a break occasionaly, it is never enough. I’m alone with her most of the day (and night). She seems to have these kind of panic attacks where she says “I can’t breathe” or “I feel dizzy”. I got insulted by her on a daily basis, even when I asked her if she wants a drink. Just a few moments ago after telling her she couldn’t breathe and shouted “Help me”. I told her “I’m here for you”. She told me I’m useless as I refused to call the doctor, nurse, or her 2 paid carers who visit. When she has been seen by doctor’s they can’t find anything wrong with her, but she is convinced that there is. Everytime I go in the other room to get a break she shouts for me. And the whole process starts all over again.
Hope you have found a way of coping. I really do understand how difficult it is for you.
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Can I mention here that if a family carer is living with the last remaining parent in council or housing authority property, and the parent dies or moves into a care home, they will probably be given just 4 weeks notice to leave.
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