I am new here!

I registered about a week ago and have been learning my way around. I think I have got to grips with the basic stuff now!

Both my parents are in the nineties! Mother in care home.

Good to learn , Jilly.

Any particular areas we can help with … finances / caring / housing etc. etc. ?

Both parents on the radar of AGE UK ?

Given your parents ages , health considerations … even CHC / NHS Continuing Healthcare ?

All outside support services functioning as can be expected ?


Finances … would come as a complete shock to the system ?

Over4 million of us below the official poverty line … the " Eat / heat / roof " scenario being played out on a daily basis ?

Hi Jilly, welcome to the forum.
Do you get any help with caring for dad? Do you live with him?

One of the common problems of the “very elderly” is that they lack the ability to see what others are doing for them. This can be really, really irritiating, until you learn that it’s not their fault, just part of the ageing process.

Hi Jilly,
welcome to the forum.

How does your Father cope with your Mother being in a care home?

When my uncle’s mobility became poor and he was struggling to cope with my auntie with dementia they both moved into the same care home. At first their rooms were side by side but as my auntie worsened she moved into a new room in the dementia unit. They both got to see each other plenty but my uncle got some peace and they were both well cared for. Don’t know why I told you all that! Sorry.

Did you stumble across the forum or did you come looking for something specific?


I don’t live with dad. He cares for himself at the moment. But I don’t think it will be long before he needs more help!

In that case, I would suggest making sure dad can manage at home on his own as long as possible.

I had a car accident three months after I was widowed and had to drastically reduce the work I had to do.

Think about what is becoming a problem, and how to solve it.
Gardening? Flatten the borders and get a gardener to mow the lawn.
Shirts that need ironing? Wear cotton polos, get a tumble dryer or washer dryer, get a girl in to iron.
Washing up not done? Get a dishwasher.
Bating problems? Fit a shower.
Too much clutter?
Concentrate on what dad NEEDS for the future, not what he used to use in the past.
Housework? Get a cleaner.

The most important thing is to make sure he’s made proper arrangements with his finances. Definitely something you need to keep an eye on. Do you have Power of Attorney? If not, sort this out asap.

My father copes well I think but he says he would rather be dead than live in a care home!!