How to explain this one?

Can’t even think of a title for this! It never rains in our house, but pours!
My daughter with LD and autism lives with her partner. He can be very difficult but we make allowances because often he is very nice. he actually spoiled our recent holiday by being moody, ungrateful and very nasty to my husband and myself.

He keeps telling my daughter that she should manage her own money but she honestly can’t! She can’t add up, doesn’t know if she has the right change etc. I give her plenty of money every week and if she needs anything major like TV, footwear, computer I never refuse. He is hopeless with money too and goes out buying designer T shirts at £50 each and baseball caps for £35! She doesn’t spend anything like what he does on clothes and is not into designer stuff thank god. My husband now doesn’t trust him.

She and I have a joint account and she has money saved. They get Universal Credit as a couple but even with that I have to make sure he pays her her share or he would keep it all. they don’t have a joint bank account. We worked out who pays what and it has worked quite well and evenly. I am thinking of getting their UC paid separately so there is no arguments.

They are wearing me down and I am now thinking of opening an account with a few hundred £ for her so she can have a debit card but probably with a limit on it each week. I have told her when it’s gone, it’s gone!

I don’t know what else to do so if anybody has any ideas I would be grateful.

he is also pressing her to get married and often mentions it to us but we both say that they need to save up. He wants to set a date but I said there’s no point until they have some money saved.

I am her appointee but we never did POA.

M has his own account, into which I pay £10 a week, from my appointee account.
That’s just enough to buy a bottle of milk, and his favourite magazine, and maybe the odd treat.
Maybe try this for your daughter?

Given what you have said about her partner, it would be disastrous for her to have all her own money, as he’d take it and spend it himself! You don’t want him controlling her life by controlling her money.

Hi Penny

Tough situation, but it really needs to be sorted before anything happens to you or your husband.

I strongly suggest you talk to a lawyer about this as there are various ways to tie up and control the money, but I don’t have a clue which would work for you. It does sound as though part of your problem is that both your daughter and her partner actually lack capacity to manage their finances, but while you can do something about your daughter directly, it would be a short-term solution and won’t solve the overall problem: I can only think that legal advice is the only way forward.

In Hampshire there is a “Client Affairs Team”, who can manage the money of people with LD.

Thanks BB. There is a similar service here but I only hear negative stuff about them so don’t want to go down that route.

I have today spoken to a bank and we are going to another bank in the week.

Perhaps talk to a therapist as well.

Penny, are you the DWP Appointee?

Yes I am BB.

For me or for him?

For him.

Thanks everybody for your replies. I have now opened a Building Society for her in just her name. I have put £500 of her money in it and she has a debit card. I have told her she must not tell anybody what her PIN code is including her partner. I have told her to keep all statements and we can see how she is doing.

She is not a spendthrift like him so I am hoping she uses it sensibly.

Therapy would be great but he wouldn’t even consider it.