How do you deal with your own resentment

My mother’s in a early to mid stage of Alzheimer’s. I left my whole life behind to move here and care for her. I want to be kind and compassionate, but I’m not always able to achieve that. I’m so angry at being still relatively young and having to take on this responsibility. I can’t go out and make new friends here or date. I’m so angry at her for having Alzheimer’s and ruining my life. I’m doing my best. I love her and want her to be ok, and I will take care of her as long as she’s on this earth. But I’m so, so resentful that I have to do that, losing who knows how many years of my own life in the process.

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Hi Michael,

Did mum pressurise you to move in with her, or did you choose to do it?
My reply would depend on yourr answer.

Hi Michael,

try and be angry with the dementia rather than with your Mum. Remember she didn’t chose to have it.

You need to make a decision - do you want to carry on caring or do you want to make arrangements for her care and return to your old life or do you want to share her care with paid carers and build a new life for yourself that runs alongside your caring role?


I have tried gardening and baking in order to relax my mind. Other techniques that work for me are drawing animals, taking a nap and having a shower on my own. I have to do a big spring clear out of old toys and old books this weekend. Recently I have baked some cupcakes. A nice glass of wine always also helps.