My 95yr old mother lives across the road . This is lovely in many ways but also exhausting . She is very frail and as a result needs lots of help physically and emotionally. She is depressed and just sits in her favourite chair. She can walk with a frame but is scared to use it unless essential. I am struggling now to get her in the shower or wash. Carers come in once a day for half an hour but she wont let then do anything except make her tea and toast. I love her very much but as it’s very tiring.

Hi Sheila,
welcome to the forum.

A lot of elderly folk only want family to care for them, not realising the impact this has on those supporting them. They often also become reluctant to shower.

Perhaps it’s time to have ‘the talk’ and explain to her that she has choices; allows the visiting care workers to help her with personal care, or (post covid) attends a local care home that offers ‘pamper days,’ or moves into residential care. Explain to her what you are and and aren’t prepared to do. Explain that if you hurt yourself showering her etc - you may well not be in a position to help her at all.


PS I realise this won’t be an easy thing to do, but nor is carrying on as you both are.

Arrange for a O/T to make an assessment. What equipment does she currently have in the bathroom.