Hi newbie to this Forum (Delroy)

New to Carers Connect
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Hi I am Delroy and a newbie I care for my who suffers from various problems.
Hopefully I will get some time out on here with similar people
Delroy

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Hi Delroy,

Welcome to the forum.

Who did you say you care for?

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I care for my wife who suffers from fibromyaligia amoutst other things
Thanks for the welcome
Delroy

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Hi and welcome. Tell us more.

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Hi Delroy.
I’m glad you have found us.
I hope you will stay even if to chat and vent if you want to. We don’t judge!
I understand it may take time to share with us

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Welcome. Feel free to take a look around.

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Thank you , i hope i will find it interesting.

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A post was split to a new topic: Hi newbie to this Forum (2)

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Hi,
I care for my Wife.
About me I am Jamaican born came to the UK when I was 16,
Now retired I do some volunteering with my local Carer’s Service.
Delroy

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Welcome to the forum. I know several people with “fibro”, it seems very difficult to manage or predict, every day seems to bring different challenges.

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Hello ,i am also new to this new forum.

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Hello and welcome to the forums!

I have been a carer for my mum for over 10 years and I think I’m finally getting the hang of it now!

how are you finding being a carer for your wife?

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I care for my mum, anyway it has its up and downs.

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Hello same here and does she treat you like a child or like you’re incompitant and complain about everything you do wrong?

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I care for my much older husband and he treats me as if I am a ‘sandwich short of a picnic’ a lot of the time! I have been caring officially since Jan 2013 but probably longer. Have to say I hate it as he is medically non compliant. I have learnt coping strateries though and have a few very wonderful supportive friends . No easy answers but for me, to keep my sanity, I have had to develop a life of my own. It is very constrained though by caring but I do find even if I can escape for an hour for a coffee , I feel much better able to cope with the demands of my difficult husband . Only advice I can give, is that you CANNOT care for someone else unless you take care of yourself first and foremost. I love reading and that helps plus I have my beloved cats. It is very sad but my husband seems resentful of my social life even though I do include him in things like the Book Club and Pub Quiz. I guess he is scared that friends will tell me his behaviour is not acceptable and at times abusive, and he is losing control of his ‘little drudge’.

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I was going to say, abusive husband? I am writing a book about characters in this same situation if you care to read it once it’s published. It’s called Jeromiah’s story. The character has the same name as me but different situation!
Anyway like you my mum doesn’t like me having friends much. She denies this but she will always complain about them or try to turn me against them. usually conveniently “has a bad feeling about suchabody”
“suchabody” took a disliking to mum instantly and would often tell me to tell her to “f**** off” if she keeps asking me to fetch her a cup of tea at the night time.
It is weird how suchabody doesn’t know much about mum and already thinks she’s too demanding of me.
Anyway she calls my other friends “those shitters” it actually makes me laugh and I told them all. They named our friend group that! We are now known as “jeromiah and the shitters”.
Mum often tells me that I’m being influenced by them whenever I stand up to her and act more confident. she actually stated about my being confident and treated it like a bad thing. I pointed out to her that isn’t that what every parent wants? for their children to develope confidence? She’s always moaning about how I don’t stand up for myself to people but when it’s to her she doesn’t like that I’m confident. I think standing up to her would be a very good and big step towards having the courage to stand up to others!
I often try to avoid conflict even letting it slide if somebody were to cut ahead of me in a queue or get served before me even when I’m next!

I too try to make sure I get some time to myself and out of the house

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I was in ‘denial’ re my husband being abusive for many years. He managed to get ‘control’ over me by the total isolation not helped by the fact we used to live in an apartment a mile from the nearest village, and I did not drive. He fell out with all the neighbours too. So yes I would really push you to reach out and make new friends. I think then you will have the confidence to realise that your mother’s behaviour is NOT acceptable.

I cannot stress enough how demoralizing isolation is. It is not easy to make new trustworthy friends and I know I have been mega lucky in this respect. I know several of us have mentioned counselling to you before, but I would urge you to at least consider this. Sometimes a non judgemental person can help negotiate a way forward?

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Hi Delroy

I have been a carer for my mum and her various conditions for several years, it isn’t always easy to tell one from another if they have similar symptoms - keeps you on your toes.

I see you are volunteering with a carers service, I hope you have some good support there.

Wow Jamaican born, I hope you’ve managed holidays back over there.

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