So in 2018 my father (now 71) lost his wife due to a serious fall and since then my dad has found it tough but had gradually been coming to terms with this and things were starting to improve. However the last few months he has lost his mobility gradually but wasn’t keen on seeing a GP. In late November he was prescribed anti-inflamatories because his legs were swollen and some blood tests were don, the anti inflamtories didn’t work so he was put on morphine.
I was on holiday, first time for 18 months because of family issues right at the end of November, and kept in touch with my father every day and it’s clear that he was overdosing on morphine, completely out of it, didn’t know my name or anything when phoning him so I had to cut my holiday short as was frightened what I would find and what I found was a mess, the dog had gone to toilet all over the house as had not been let out as my father had been in comotose state for days and the house was a sheer health hazard.
In early December the first blood test results came in which showed serious issues but the initial tests were not very specific, some more tests were ordered based on urine and more specialist blood tests. Then the GP said that he wanted to refer my father to a haemtologist who ordered some more tests up front. 6th January my father had appointment with the top haematologist in my area. Haemtologist said that he felt he might have cancer of the blood/bone marrow so organised full body MRI, skeletal survey and biopsy. My father had the biopsy almost two weeks ago and all the other tests done before that.
I have moved in with him to look after him as he clearly cannot do everything by himself. However what has been increasingly frustrating is the fact I am treated like a complete servant with no care how things effect me. I come in from work after a 12 hour day and the moment I step through the door my father is barking out orders: “The dog needs feeding, I need some food, you need to do the washing I’VE BEEN WAITING HERE ALL DAY, DO IT NOW” Now I would have had more sympathy for him if it wasn’t for the fact the GP arranged carers to come in during the day and my dad told them to go away and wouldn’t allow them to do anything because he said they were not needed. The house is a disgrace, he dumps things all over the floor, mouldy food, empty milk carton, the smell is awful and just keeping it in a bad state as opposed to the kind of state that would be considered a complete disgrace is taking me 2 hours every night and the dog is going to the toilet.
All in all I am having to pay to clean the place out of my own money, he’s hording money from his pension every week and spending about 10% of it on stuff like DVDs he never watches and claiming it’s my job to pay to clean up after him and do his shopping. He won’t pay someone to take the dog out for a walk during the day as says he cannot afford it but then expects me to clean up after the dog and get up at 5.30am to take the dog for a walk and take her out again at 11pm. My health has suffered and I’ve missed 4 days work since November which is more than in the last 18 months as when I do have some problem I do not get enough sleep or rest to get rid of it quickly like I used to. THen most mornings I wake up to the fact that the dog has shit the house leaving a terrible stench everywhere that I have to mop up ever morning and nearly pass out from the smell ad again he will then lecture me about saying he cannot help it and I should stop making such a fuss.
It came to going to the hospital early this week for the biopsy results and my father refused to go to hospital for them. I work in a school and we had an inspection that day so my father had hospital transport arranged and I was supposed to meet him up the hospital before appointment. He told the patient transport he ‘couldn’t move’ and was in so much pain that he can’t go to hospital as he would pass out getting up. The patient transport offered him an ambulance which he turned down and told them to get out of his house. Patient transport called me and told me about it and asked could I speak to him and of course he told me that they wouldn’t help him get up and wouldn’t take him and said he cannot straighten his leg or walk unaided. But what my father said next is that he has to go now as he needs to go upstairs to have a shower as he has urinated on himself and then he will make a cup of coffee and call me back. I was so infuriated as it basically proved he simply wasn’t going to go.
I’m at my wits end. Since then he has had severe constipation issues and I’ve spoken to the GP who has given him some fibre supplements and over the counter medicines. He told my father to stop drinking sugary drinks and drink more water and less caffiene. My father won’t do that because he says he doesn’t like water but still keeps moaning that he is in agony from his constipation and why will nobody help him. He says he is in agony from his mobility problems but nobody is helping him, despite the fact that many people are helping him. I understand that it’s not the most easy thing for a man to go through who has always been active, but at the same time he does nothing at all to help himself and doesn’t give a shit about anyone else other than himself and if you even dare to mention how it is for myself as a carer, he will turn around and say I have it easy.
The hospital are going to have to re-arrange the appointment for his biopsy result. Who knows if he will go to it at all,This morning i woke up that he had been to toilet on the comode downstairs in the living room and left the top open all night which has stunk out the which is the only really remaining respectable room in the house and had let the dog in the living room who also went to the toilet there because in his words, the dog was scratching at the door so he had to let her in but he unfortunately cannot clean the carpet because he is ill and I am not so it is my job. I got 4 hours sleep again because he woke me up twice in the middle of the night screaming saying that he needs a drink and that if he moves he won’t be able to get back to sleep, honestly.
The biggest problem is that my father is ill but doesn’t want to do anything to help him get better or improve the symptoms of his condition. He doesn’t care how it effects other people and he doesnt want to change anything in his life and he expects everyone else to revolve around him. I honestly don’t mind caring for him and doing my bit and I have done since November, but the problem now is that it’s got to a situation where I am being treated like a slav and when I booked the afternoon off work to meet with a friend yesterday without telling my father so I could relax a bit, my father was told his friend saw me and my father said if I wasn’t working I should have been at home helping him and I’m a disgrace for leaving him home alone in his condition.
There’s just no chance or respite, none at all and unfortunately as the only direct family member left, there’s nobody to share the load with.