Help needed

My father has just left hospital after a weeks stay and has been moved to a care home. We can no longer manage his dementia and incontinance at home.
He keeps asking to go home and tells me we have treated him badly.
I feel so desperate as I have no alternative
How can I help him?

Hi Denise

I had a similar issue with my Mum about 18 months ago, although in my case it was very brief and Mum slipped into a routine where she thought she was in her flat but someone had locked up the kitchen so she couldn’t cook anything…

Right now you’re in a position where you probably feel a bit guilty even though you know you couldn’t cope, and your father’s comments are feeding the guilt. That’s what is making it so hard to deal with, but you’ve no reason to feel guilty.

The main problem is that right now he feels unsettled because everything is strange and it will take a while - probably a few months - for him to get used to it. All you can do is tell him that this is his home now, where he’ll be safe. If you visit regularly, maybe reduce the visits for a while to help him acclimatise to the new surroundings. And absolutely talk to the care home manager about it to see if they have any suggestions: they’ll definitely have dealt with this before.