Help...care and supporting my daughter and her children

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1

Hi all,

My 28 year old daughter has recently at last had her diagnosis… although she lives alone and manages she has always relied on me heavily for daily support and help… which is fine and we are happy and proud of her and how far she has come. However, her life has been a complex one and she has been though an abusive relationship with the father of her children and is being dragged through the courts for contact etc. The abuse has left her eldest child with developmental trauma and he can be very aggressive.
Me and my husband therefore provide a lot of support while she is in the process of getting him help and he stays with us a lot… professionals are involved due to the court case and my daughter asking for help for her child but they unfortunately have little understanding of autism and the difficulties that she experiences and needs support with…and the impact of domestic abuse and its dynamics. Their response to a lot of things is that she is just being difficult and rigid. I have tried to advocate for her, at her request as I have worked in SEN and within other vulnerable services for over 24 years but now I am being told she has to speak alone and that I am interfering even though my daughter asks for my help. This has left her feeling very vulnerable and at times confused and without any advocate support.
Since the Covid restrictions and all of the change this has made it extremely difficult for us to provide any support for my daughter and the children and she is really struggling to cope. She is ringing me daily asking me to help. At present she has no further help as her formal diagnosis is recent and she hasn’t the chance to apply yet. I am her only support network.
Therefore has anyone had experience of being able to support those that have a diagnosis/disability and usually provide a lot of support and care? Me and my husband and son have isolated for 2 weeks to ensure we are ok. I have tried to get her to come and stay with us but she wont as she has her routine at home. Given the circumstances they are classed as a vulnerable family so would it be ok to go and help them or have my grandson to help her for a few days? Its heartbreaking for me to see her struggle so much.

2

Hi Tracey,
Your daughter and elder grandson have special needs and therefore are considered vulnerable, so you should be ok to visit and support.

Are the Grandson’s school aware of the full situation? Does he have a named social worker? If he is ‘under’ social care and then he may be able to attend school, which would give her a break and help safeguard him. There is information here; [Withdrawn] Supporting vulnerable children and young people during the coronavirus (COVID-19) outbreak - actions for educational providers and other partners - GOV.UK

  1. What about children not included in this definition?
    Attending education settings is known as a protective factor for children receiving the support of a social worker. It is right that we prioritise support for those who will benefit the most. We are balancing this carefully with the urgent need to reduce social contact right across society to support our work to reduce the spread of coronavirus (COVID-19).

Leaders of educational settings and designated safeguarding leads know who their most vulnerable children are and will have the flexibility to offer a place to those on the edges of receiving children’s social care support.

She is right about staying in her own home and sticking to her routines - doing so will help her cope.

Have a look on the National autistic society website for information too https://www.autism.org.uk

Melly1

3

Hello and welcome!

I think that the NAS, national autism society might be able to help your family. Call on Monday or email tomorrow. Also talk to his current school to see if they can help. Is he known to social services or not? If so, they should have already done a needs assessment. Is she claiming any benefits?
The two most important ones to apply for are PIP and ESA. You can contact your local citizens advice office on Monday to request some help with filling out the application form. Ask to speak with a benefits advisor over the phone or take a look at their website for more information. There is a dedicated section of the website giving advice on all benefits. Start there.