hello everyone
My name is Marie
I’m 58 and look after my 65 yr. old hubby Brian & also been married for 38yrs for better or worse. Since 2013 he has spinal nerve damage and is post sepsis.
Brian is a retired college lecturer, self propels in his wheelchair but since sepsis every day is different he’s a very strong minded man and tries his best to do what he can, we work as a team and understand each other.
I also look after my 80 yr. old mother her name is June she has lived with us for 7 yrs she used to be a very independent lady but in 2010 she underwent a hip replacement review and unfortunately she had a mass of infection so she’s got no right hip joint “Girdle stone” she has her right shoe raised 4 inches, she rellies on myself for a lot of help which is why she came to live with me to make it easier, caring for her is very challenging with her hearing { lol she’s not deaf } forgetful { its an age thing }
argumentative {her age } frustration as she cant do what she used to do, depression.
I have Rheumatoid arthritis, which some days can be worse than than others, I take regular meds but sometimes she forgets I’m her daughter, she can be so cruel at times with harsh words { of cause its me & my fault } respect works both ways. I have been in touch with our GP who referred her to mental health in the elderly. She’s my mam and only we get she gave her time to bring me into this crazy world and raised me to become the person i am today, why does she treat me like she does IT HURTS.

Hello Marie,
You definitely have a lot going on. My Heart goes out to you . I’m sure your Mum doesn’t mean the things she says to you.
My Wife has MS as does my Dad and my Mum is in poor Health also. Life can be difficult as you will know.
I hope you keep in touch and I will support you best I can .

Hi Marie, you certainly do have a lot going on! As the previous person replied, I’m sure you’re mum doesn’t mean to hurt your feelings. My mum is making caring for her difficult because she is very negative. It is hard work! You sound like a lovely thoughtful person and your family are lucky to have you.


Put simply, you are doing too much! It’s time to take a long hard look at every single thing you do, and decide
Does it need doing at all - ironing
Can someone else do it - gardening for example
Can I streamline the house - putting away everything you don’t need at the moment, either in Really Useful Boxes in the garage or loft.

Start with everything that affects your own wellbeing, especially your arthritis.

Marie, you simply have TOO MUCH on.
Looks like you probably have for quite some time.
Much easier said than done, I know, but try and find a way in which you do just a little less stuff. As Bowingbun rightly says, try to prioritise things.
Use this forum a people here have lots of good advice.

Hello and welcome to the forum.

Hi Marie,
Welcome to the forum!

That does sound like a lot of responsibilities which I am sure is challenging both physically and emotionally, on top of your rheumatoid arthritis. Please know that Carers UK is here to offer you advice and support in your role as an unpaid carer.

Carers UK are running online weekly meet ups for carers to take some time for themselves and chat to other carers. Feel free to join if you’d like to and there’s no pressure to share anything you don’t want to.

You can find information on how to register to our online meetups at the following pages:
Care for a Cuppa: Online meetups | Carers UK
Share and Learn: Share and Learn | Carers UK
Our Telephone Helpline is available on 0808 808 7777 from Monday to Friday, 9am – 6pm or you can contact us by email advice@carersuk.org

They also provide information and guidance to unpaid carers. This covers a range of subjects including:

Benefits and financial support
Your rights as a carer in the workplace
Carers’ assessments and how to get support in your caring role
Services available to carers and the people you care for
How to complain effectively and challenge decisions

Best wishes