Hello my name is Roy
I am a full time Carer to my Wife at home who has MND. We are four years in.
I joined this forum because I am struggling physically and mentally.
Everything around me is geared up for my wife and I would not have it any other way. But in the middle of it all I fell lonely, lost and I do not now who I am anymore. I have recently reached out for help because I can’t go on any more. I have had fantastic responses from all involved in my wife’s care package. Help is on its way. I have also asked my G.P. for counseling for myself. He wants a face to face next week followed up with a mental health person phoning me the day after. I have spoken to them both before about my issues but nothing happened for me.
I feel I need someone to talk to about my feelings.
Hello my name is Roy
I agree, you need a proper long term counsellor.
If you can afford it, have a private one, ideally recommended by the GP.
I had one free via a Carers worker, but I wasn’t told it was for a limited time. Just as I was beginning to open up about my true feelings, I was told my time was up, and he was leaving anyhow!!!
Later, on the verge of a breakdown when mum was ill and all sorts was going on, I started to pay for private counselling, now paid for as part of my Carers Assessment.
When did you last have a Carers Assessment?
Welcome to our forum, I’m not sure if you are aware but we are currently running a series of online weekly meet ups for carers to get together and chat informally. People say they’ve found it really helpful and supportive and it’s nice to be able to take a little bit of time for yourself. There’s no pressure to share any more than you’re comfortable with. Join up details are here:
We are also now running a weekly Share and Learn sessions, where we run a series of fun and relaxed online sessions where visiting speakers who share tips and skills on a range of topics - please have a look at the link and see if one grabs your attention.
Do join if you’d like to, we’ve had a lot of new carers join the sessions recently and it’s a great way to meet other carers.
with best wishes
Hi, Roy, after reading what you’ve said I’ve found the need to create an account. I’m currently caring for my mother who also has MND. As you know it is extremely stressful as well as emotionally draining watching someone you love lose themselves to such a disease, you are the lynchpin that keeps everything going, everything falls to you and it can become unbearable.
It’s not wrong wanting to seek help for yourself, if anything it’ll not only do you but your wife a world of good if you’re able to get the help you need for what you’re going through.
From what it sounds like you yourself have hit your limit, you’re exhausted this isn’t something you should feel ashamed, or bad about it happens to everybody. One option you’ll be given other than therapy for yourself is for your wife to temporarily go into a Hospice (something I hope at least has been discussed with you by the care team in place)
If that discussion hasn’t been made yet what it is is that if you and your wife agree to it your wife will be temporarily placed into an environment of care where she can be monitored by professional carers while you yourself enter a recovery phase and get much-needed rest as well as the help you need, once you’ve recovered your wife will then return to you.
Let me finish by saying if you have any feelings of guilt because you feel you’re struggling, don’t. I’m sure you’ve done an amazing job of caring for someone with MND, especially for 4 years. If anything it’s amazing you’ve gone 4 years without help in place for yourself, that’s something you should be commended for.
I hope your appointment next week does get the help you need, if not, don’t be afraid of putting your foot down.