Hi. I am caring for my husband since 2016 after his first two strokes and then 2018 December he had another stroke that really incapacitated him. So we do get carers for getting him up in the morning and putting him to bed. Before I was redundant last June, I had a carer for a brief lunch time visit to him. They had difficulties staffing it during Covid era and so I took on the lunchtime and anyway I’m here 24/7 for him. He can’t walk, can only half see, can’t read and also has Cerebral Palsy, Diabetes and has had other things too.
Now however, it is getting more difficult. Just as the spring arrives and I think I can take him out despite the performance of getting him in a wheel chair and then ramps out and out of the house, he won’t go. Medical appointments he will go for by car once I get him in, but I’m not allowed to divert from directly going home, not even to the shop leaving him in the car. He said the other week he was ‘terrified’. It wasn’t Covid that he was afraid of according to him later; it was going where people were anyway. He won’t even consider a drive into the country not stopping anywhere. The zoom physiotherapy is okay but now they are preferring to see him in person and it is 20 miles away; he doesn’t want to go. He is afraid of roads he doesn’t know despite him motoring along them for years before the strokes. He’s afraid of sharp bends in the road, whereon a ‘vista’ might open before him and he feels scared, lost or something. Panicking.
Has anyone got any idea of how to get him over this fear? I am trying to work from home but we’re managing on his benefits between us and I’ve got Carer’s allowance now as work has miniscule income. Any ideas?
Welcome to the forum. I think your first step would be to contact the CUK helpline to have a confidential review of your finances, especially to check that you are getting all the benefits you are entitled to.
Has anyone told you that your husband is now exempt from Council Tax due to his severe mental impairment, for example?
How old are you both?
Do you own or rent your home?
If he won’t go out with you, then you have to go out without him, you can’t stay in a virtual prison just to please him. Is the GP aware of the problem of him not wanting to go out?
Does he have a pendant Lifeline he can use if he needs anyone when you are out?
Hi and a belated welcome to the forum. Sounds like suppoting you partner is really hard work. With him not wanting to go out is making it even harder for you. Since you posted your message has anything changed? Have you spoken to organisations like Mind ro Rethink who might be able to offer advice or support in terms of his phobia? You could also try this group: https://www.topuk.org/