Hello I have just joined this morning and I would like to know your views please on my story

All about caring
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I have just joined Carers Forum, I really need to tell my story and hear other carers’ views on it.

I am 67, my husband is 70, my dad is 90. We live in a large village.

Eighteen years ago my parents moved in to live with us in our bungalow.

My mum died in 2013, so it has been just my dad living here with us since then. He has some mobility problems but is still very with it mentally. My dad is a very negative person and defensive and can be bitter about things that happened to him in the past. He is also funny and clever and likes to talk about the news and current affairs, but never goes out unless I take him out.

My husband feels resentful of my dad and angry about him still being here with us. He says that he takes up too much of our time and energy. I agree with him to a certain extent, but I also feel a loyalty to my dad.

My dad living with is has gone on much longer than we ever expected. I feel torn between what we want as a couple and trying to keep my dad feeling happy and secure.

I am emotionally and mentally wrung out and I feel on the verge of breaking down constantly. Mu husband moans to me about my dad and my dad moans to me about my husband. I am not perfect as I have been guilty of joining in with the moaning on both sides. I am on long term anti depressants and my husband has a serious heart problem.

So, as a couple we want our freedom to move house and for my dad to get suitable ‘alternative accommodation’. My dad will not be happy and will bring up the fact that I told him a long time ago that he will always have a home with us. That comes back to haunt me.

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hi @WishyWashy ,what can you do with parents? (not a lot like teen kids ) I think you need to have a look around and see what is about for your dad like a home or something for him to live in. But also see if you can get a care service in or a befriend career who could look after him. Ths salavation army might be able to help you there. good luck

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You need to talk to someone who is not involved in any way, about how YOU feel, in confidence. Ask your GP to recommend a private counsellor.
When I was recently widowed, recently disabled, left to run a business and a lot else besides, I was on the verge of a breakdown. Initially the local carers organisation organised counselling for me, without saying it was for just 6 sessions. Then I found I’d had everything I was entitled to and anyhow the counsellor was leaving!
My GP then recommended someone they worked with, highly recommended by them. She was wonderful, and supported me whenever I needed it. It was the first time in years that anyone had dealt with me in my own right, not just someone else’s slave!
I can honestly say it was life changing for me.
I’m always against parents moving in with their children, the move in seems a good idea, without ever considering how difficult any move out will be! If they can’t manage in their own home they should move into residential care.

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