My name is Julie, i have been caring for my husband who had a mental breakdown and numerous attempted suicide attempts since around 2016.
I lost my only beautiful younger sister in 2016 and am really struggling at the moment.
I am now on anti depressants myself and feel totally trapped.
Hi Julie,
welcome to the forum. I’m on the way to bed, so only a quick reply.
I’m sorry to hear about your sister, you must miss her very much.
Caring for your husband must be emotionally very draining.
In addition to the anti depressants are you receiving any other support? I can personally recommend Cruse, they supported me when my Dad died in a house fire. I chose email support as that fitted best around my job and caring commitments - but they also offer telephone and face to face support.
Your GP should be able to refer you for counselling which a lot of carers find helpful. In some areas you can self refer for CBT, but you sound as if you would benefit from speaking to someone. In the meantime, can I recommend this thread for ideas https://www.carersuk.org/forum/support-and-advice/carers-health-issues/positive-ways-to-cope-with-low-mood-12505
Melly1
Sorry to hear that. Hard to cope with caring without added complication of grieving for a loved one. Do you have support from any family or friends you can talk to?
Hello Sally,
Due to a huge family fall out no i don’t have anyone.
The waiting list is 6 months long so i have no way of getting any counselling, i am doing online CBT, i started it last week but so far i am not taking anything in and i feel face to face counselling would be more beneficial.
My husband is driving me insane, he has had a new hearing aid for all of 4 days and has now left it laying around and the pup has chewed it, i am at my wits end and feel very unhappy as they have found he has now cognitive problems and suspected dementia, he keeps losing things, making remarks infront of people i feel are inappropriate.
I honestly feel life is no longer worth living, i am very isolated, miserable and trapped. xx
Hi Julie
Please remember that the Samaritans are always there to listen to you.
Here in the forum answers can be sporadic, but Samaritans are there 24/7…
I’m sorry you are having to wait so long for face to face counselling. I had some online CBT and it did help me, but I did follow it up with paying for some counselling. It was some of the best value money I have ever spent.
May I ask how old you and hubby are?
Have you looked on the Alzheimer’s site 're dementia in its many forms? They also have a forum which might be of help to you.
Can you get out for a break, is hubby unsafe to be left?
Are you safe from him?
Trust me, you are not alone in this situation and you have done the right thing reaching out to this forum. Many of us understand the loneliness and isolation. When my son was a very low point in his life, even though I could go to work and out to classes and friends I still felt very alone and stigmatized. He refused outside help and I felt so responsible but totally inadequate, but with time and support and information and counselling I got though it and so did he.
You will come through this, and strange as it may sound to you now, you will find, in time, that you emerge stronger
(((Hugs)))
MrsA.
Hello,
I am 54 next week, the other half is 61. I have had nothing but grief and upset with him the last few years, we have not got a definite yes to dementia yet but something is very wrong.
He takes a lot of anti psychotics and lithium and is being weaned off of one in case it is the cause of his forgetfulness and confusion, next step is weaning off of Lamotogine or however you pronounce it in case that is a problem too.
I just got offered a job and due to him getting ESA i cannot keep what i earn so i am devastated.
He drops tablets everywhere, is careless and i have 2 small Lhasa Apso girls.
I have left him before because of his short fuse and came back which i am beginning to regret. This evening he has dropped his hearing aid and the dog has chewed it, this is the second one he has had the latest 4 days ago so now he has nothing.
I am at my wits end tbh, he seems to think its all about him. I have spoken to my GP and i can tell he thinks i should leave, bit how can i?
we moved near my mum when my younger sister died as she wanted me close by to support one another, six months on she moved and left me there and i hated the place.
we just bought a very small place, neither of us really like it here but have not enough money to buy anything else.
I really do feel so down. Thanks for listening. xx
Hello Julie
It is certain something must change, but only you can decide what.
It sounds like your life has been dictated to by circumstances or others for some time now, and maybe now is the time to start doing something about it and regaining some control.
Some points for you to ponder, not necessary to answer them publically on here:
Yes, you could leave him
Yes, you could move,
Yes, you could be the one to start mending the family rift
Re the job, even if it doesn’t increase finances would it still give you a break from home, some self-esteem and a social life and contact with other adults? Often on here we suggest to people that retaining or taking a job has more benefits than just financial.
If you were to split up would the job give you financial independence (remembering too any in work benefits that may apply)?
Have you gone though a benefits calculator to make sure you are getting everything you are entitled to? And him too.
Ask yourself if it is your depression stopping you moving forward, or is it really just practical issues ? If someone is motivated they can move mountains, a spade full at a time, and quicker with a team of support
Have a look on line for the "Overcoming " series of self help books. I read “over coming low self esteem” by Melaine Funnell and found it useful. There are about 20 other titles in the series too
Sorry if this is bombarding you, and its always easier to see problems and solutions from the outside, but sometimes we can reflect back what it is difficult to see when one feels stuck inside
Xx
MrsA
Hi Julie,
Welcome to the forum, you sound really desperate at the moment.
One of our forum members, Rosemary, has a husband diagnosed with dementia in his fifties. I’m sure she will reply to your post in due course, but I know she is dealing with some urgent stuff as far as her husband and seriously disabled brother are concerned at the moment.
From what you describe, I would push for your husband to have a brain scan, to see if that can highlight what is going on. Doctors are reluctant to give a firm diagnosis, but they seldom realise that it is often the gateway to various benefits. Especially the exemption from Council Tax due to severe mental impairment.
Are you claiming PIP for him? Are you now his DWP “Appointee”.
He is probably on the borderline at the moment, ring up for the form and see if you think he qualifes.
Do you have Power of Attorney? If not this must be your top priority, do not delay!!
Dementia means that people don’t appreciate the value of money any more.
Be VERY careful about his access to money, and be sure to keep your finances entirely separate from his.
That’s enought to digest for one evening, I’ll be back presently. Major house redecorations etc. going on so I can’t go far from home for the next few weeks.