Hi. I’m new to the forum and to seeing myself as a ‘carer’.
I’m very much the kind of person that always ‘wants to help’ so I hadn’t seen offering support to my partner as anything out of the ordinary. I also struggle with depression and anxiety, so I understand mental health challenges and even through autism is quite different, I have a lot of empathy for his neurodifference. I’ve read up on ASD to better understand his perspective, to communicate better, to try to identify possible triggers and to seek guidance on how to treat autistic burnout. I’ve seen signs of burnout in his behaviour over the past few years, but had hoped that changing his living circumstances would help to create a calmer home environment, and in turn help him recover from autistic burnout.
However being undiagnosed and unable to get accomodations at work has been a big contributor to his burnout, and has only gotten worse in the past year after HR wrongly determined he wasn’t autistic (his child is level 2 and he’s definately level 1) and is now leading an investigation into his requests for accomodations. This has been going on for months and has him completely frazzled from the anxiety and ruminative thoughts. He’s only able to sleep a few hours a night and ossilates between masking when he has the energy and anxious raging when he’s too tired to contain it any longer.
I know he’s suffering and it hurts me to see him in such mental pain and anxiety. I’ve tried listening and acknowledging his feelings, but he spirals and I just don’t know what to say and freeze or just cry that he sees no future for himself. I’ve navigated mental health support through the NHS and have offered to be his advocate, but its just too much for him to think about in his current state. Even the idea of finding a ‘perfect match’ private therapist got shot down as he’s not able to speak to new people in his current state. I’m at a loss for how to help beyond the basics of keeping the house together, being present and trying to find nice things to do together to distract him from the overwhelming emotions. I don’t want to do or suggest anything that would be an autistic trigger, like getting a return call from the GP at an unknown time, but I know that he’s beyond my ability as a non-professional to help.
So I’ve been seeking out advice online, support from friends and now this forum. I feel so out of my depth. I fear that I’m not helping, or making things worse, or should have seen warning signs sooner and done more to encourage him to get professional support sooner. I feel so overwhelmed and just sad and helpless.
I’m trying to step back and take care of myself more, but it’s hard. I’m talking with my manager tomorrow about my new status as a ‘carer’ and how that has been impacting my mental health and work. I’m also really grateful for this forum and hearing from others with similar challenges. Thank you.