Has anybody had experience of Post viral fatigue? If so is this it or is it end of life?

Specific disabilities and conditions
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I want to be open and honest. I have health anxiety so I know the chances are my anxiety may be playing a HUGE part here. I hope it’s okay to ask.

I take care of my Mother in law and she has Raspatory failure level 2, COPD, bed bound and incontinent, had a severe chest infection (Somewhat common for her) a few weeks back and has had antibiotics for it. During this she had a water infection too (Somewhat common for her). During this she started to sleep ALOT. Maybe 15 hours a day if not a bit more. She is drinking but says “I don’t really feel hungry” but has breakfast, sometimes lunch and a small bit of dinner. Some days she’ll eat a full meal and sometimes a few chips, or mouthfull of mash etc.

I called out the doctor worried it was her chest again but the dr said “It sounds clear”. She checked her Observations (Temp, blood pressure, Heart rate and blood oxygen) and all were fine.
She said " Her nose it pretty red. Has she been sneezing?" I said “She has” - “Chances are it’s viral then. If her immune system is a bit low she may have a cold etc. OR it could be she’s still recovering from last week. Not much to worry about but if she gets worse call 999”.
My partner who was a nurse for a few years (Doesn’t anymore due to illness) said “That sounds about right”.

Now, heres the problem. Later the same day one of her carers (no official medical training) Who comes in to help her get washed and her pad changed etc, pulled me to one side and said “I don’t want to upset you but I think she’s at end of life”..
She then went on a long list of things I should do/expect. When i said “It’s just a chest infection the doctor said” she looked at me like “It’s not” and shook her head. “I’ve seen this happen so many times. You maybe need to get loved ones around. She may get a bit better (The rally) but I think that’s what this is. She’s on the wind down now. She’s sleeping more and more”
When I said “I don’t think so” she then went “I bet Henry (our little dog) Had been hanging around her more and more hasn’t he…” Which he hasn’t. When i said “No?” She went “Hmm.. he will do when she starts shutting down”. I then found out she had sent a group message to ALL of the carers informing them she’s at end of life.

My partner got angry when I told them this and said “What a load of bollocks” They said “If she was at end of life her Obs would be ALL over the place, her skin would be changing, her eyes would be changing, her hands would be freezing, she wouldn’t be waking up at all.”

While I trust what they’re saying I still worry.

A week later I called the doctor out again (Not telling them what the carer said) and she said “She’s showing signs of Post-Viral Fatigue. She may be like this for a few weeks or even a few months.” Her obs once again ALL fine, chest sounded clear etc.

She’s still sleeping LOADS like 15hrs+ a day.

Everytime this carer comes she’s acting like she’s dying and i’m REALLY struggling with this mental health wise. When I know its her I leave the room as I can’t listen to it anymore.
I can’t sleep, i can barely eat etc. I know my partner doesn’t think she’s dying but I’m worried they’re burying their head in the sand and can’t see it.

Does this sound like Post Viral Fatigue?
IF she was at end of life would her observations be all over the place? Would these signs be present? Would a GP be able to tell if she was at end of life? I am honestly so scared. I feel sick to my stomach. I can’t sleep for worry.

Additional: We are in Gloucester area.

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How old is mum?

When my mum was very ill, I googled Signs of Dying with tears rolling down my cheeks, but the information I found, written by people from the hospice movement, was invaluable. I would strongly suggest you do the same.
In fact, my mum lived another two years.
During that time there were many days I thought “this is it” then the next day she would be perfectly normal. However, it was a very gradual decline. For the last year of her life she was in a nursing home, too frail to live at home any more, she needed 24 hour care.
No one can be forced to care. If you want to give up caring, or have support in your caring role, that’s fine.
What would you like to happen now, from your point of view?

Are you sure MIL is claiming all the benefits she is entitled to. Have you asked for help from Social Services?
When did you last have a holiday? Long term caring without help is very tough.

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Hi @ReoUk - welcome back to the forum.

From my experience, I’d say that if the “obs” are all ok, don’t worry about it yet. And tell the agency that if the care worker keeps talking about end of life, she won’t be working with your mum any more. What she said might have been with good intentions, but it was unhelpful and it’s winding you up unnecessarily.

The thing is, that people who are stuck in bed for a long time tend to have a greater risk of dying, but can also go on for years. There’s no rule to this, but the signs of dying that @bowlingbun mentioned can give you some reassurance - as should your partner’s comments. They’re not sugar coating things, but now that care worker has given her verdict, there’s a seed of doubt that’s germinating and growing as it’s fed by your anxieties.

It’s easy to say “don’t let that happen.” Too late. The best thing I can suggest is to go onto the internet and look up “relaxation”. There is an abundance of free resources - music, guided fantasies, all sorts - that will give you a chance to shut off the anxieties a bit and give you some peace.