Guilty at asking my 94 yr old mother to go into a care home

You don’t need to feel guilty. This is what is best for everyone.

My mum would always remember what she USED to be able to do at home, when she was fit and well. The sad reality was that for years, after major knee surgery (the alternative was amputation) she could only move relying very heavily on a Zimmer frame. One day she told me wistfully that the house was always quiet now, she loved it when it was full of life, with dad, me and my 2 brothers always in and out.

I’m now 67, have lived in the same house since I was 24. We restored it from a cottage with a leaky roof, no flush toilet, to a lovely warm and cosy home (with 3 flush toilets!). I did all the decorating. After a long gap due to many family illnesses, deaths, etc. I’m now gradually redecorating it, now a widow.

My head still thinks I can do everything I used to do, but in reality just painting a ceiling is a real struggle, everything is taking 10 times longer than it used to. Bear me in mind when dealing with mum!
The “home” she wants to go back to isn’t the home it is now, but one back in time.

When residential care became the only option for my mum, I stressed the fact that there would always be someone there for her, day or night, that if she fell someone could be there within moments, not left lying on the floor.

very sorry to hear about your troubles… I hope things get better for you, and you stay strong. these days the care homes have a excellent routine and care. Its not how it used to be in the old days, but no one is left alone but they are well taken care of.

hope things stay good for you

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