Guilt over feelings

New to Carers Connect
1

Help! How do you cope with a 93 year old mum who is in obvious pain but will not help themselves?

She has ulcerated legs. Refuses to sit with her legs elevated. Now she has stopped going to bed at night

She sits in the armchair and just complains all the time I visit. She is not going to bed and so she is unsure of the time of day now

Whatever I suggest is dismissed. She thinks I am being bossy

We had a shouting match yesterday as she just refuses to help herself

I don’t want to visit any more

I feel so guilty for lack of compassion but she is wearing me out

Carers come 3 times a day. I was visiting every day but am now trying to have a day off at least a week

2

Talk to the Care Manager, and ask her to investigate.
If mum’s legs aren’t getting better, and she isn’t helping herself, then the care agency should be reporting their concerns to the doctor.

3

@Sue_2003 Thanks for using our forum to reach out for support, and I am so sorry to hear that you and your mum are having such a difficult time at the moment. Some of what you are posting, around our mum’s deterioration in health is obviously very concerning, so I will send you a private message with some pointers.