I’m in my 40s, work full time as a teacher, have two children (9 & 12) and am also my mums career. Fortunately she has a great care package, with 4 visits a day, but I’m doing everything else. I realize loads of people do loads more than I do, but I’m struggling to feel I’m doing a good enough job in any area of my life. I sound like a right misery guts! What I’m after is to find other “sandwich carers” as at the moment I feel really lonely and have no time to catch up with my friends - they don’t “get it” as well. Just to chat and sound off with really.
welcome to the forum.
I’m not a sandwich carer but I do juggle caring and teaching.
I feel I’m doing a good enough job in any area of my life.
I have this feeling frequently too.
I’m also so tired, term time.
I dropped to part time, working 4 days a week, in an attempt to have a bit more time for me and to focus on what I needed to do for S. It’s not perfect as I still am expected to carry out all of the class teacher roles, just without a teaching committment on my day off, but it has stopped me from burning out altogether.
Being a carer, is often lonely, for a multitude of reasons, but the forum certainly helps.
I too have been a sandwich carer. It’s really easy to feel that you are never doing enough for anyone, I nearly had a breakdown, so counselling was arranged for me.
I’d bottled things up for so long that at first it was difficult to be truly honest how I felt.
The counsellor made me see that I had a RIGHT to “me” time, that it was OK to say “No” to my bored disabled mum’s demands, that my son with learning difficulties had to come first, he couldn’t speak up for himself, she could.
Best of all, he taught me to feel pround of what I could do, not gulity about what I couldn’t.
Your children deserve a happy childhood and a happy mum.
Please don’t fall into the trap of looking at others and saying they are worse off/better carers than you, we are all different. Be kind to yourself, maybe even lower your standards a bit. One of our posters here has a footer that says “It’s OK not to be perfect”. Are you your own worst enemy, trying too hard to be perfect???
I am a sandwich carer myself and completely relate. I have 2 children at primary school and care for my mother with Alzheimer’s and until recently my Dad, who had high level care needs and died in a nursing home in February.
I reached breaking point a couple of years ago and have since accepted my Mum and Dad needed more care. That I can’t do it all. I have since gone back to work part time as it was doing my mental health and relationships with kids and parents no good caring full time.
I still often feel I am doing nothing very well. But I do know I am doing my best under difficult circumstances.
Feel free to ofload here or msg me. x
I am a ‘sandwich’ carer in my 40’s who has a Mum with dementia and my Dad in a nursing home. My son is 14 and I also feel guilty and that I am not doing enough for everyone.
My friends of the same age don’t have any parent issues at the moment so don’t understand what it is like. I just think at least I may have my ‘50’s’ relatively free of caring… but by then I’m sure it will be the in-laws turn to need help.
You don’t sound negative, it’s just reality and it’s really, really hard trying to please everyone. I am about to finally find some counselling as I’m desperate to find someone who can try to help me ‘make sense of it all’ or to help me see another way of managing it all.
Feel free to PM me anytime, there’s plenty of us in the same boat xx