Sorry haven’t been on for a while . Had a little holiday with the hubby .i am mums full time carer Got home Monday late evening. Mum wanted to come home i said i will bring you home tomorrow . ( Tuesday) . Not been home 24 hours and straight into caring duties. Today i am feeling a little resentful. Mum wanted to go out today to the shops . I took her out to the shops she is in a wheelchair and it’s not easy . 2 hours out . I am starting to get a little short with her which I don’t want to . I need to look after myself as well . Sometimes I don’t think mum realises how much i do for her .and Don’t feel appreciated at times .family haven’t been to see her since she came home . Which infuriates me . My older sister only lives around 1/2 mile away . We don’t have a relationship , she rings up mum and never mentions me. (Asks about our dog ) 
I always walk out of the room as it really makes me so angry , Sorry for the moan just nice to get it off my shoulders .
One of the things I’ve never understood about caring is the effect it has on pushing some families apart. I remember having someone from Relate over to do a talk about this, and while what they said was true, that caring situations highlight the cracks in a relationship, part of me recognised that there are no relationships without cracks, so it really doesn’t explain it.
None of which is any help at all, other than to say that some relatives are like that. It’s really frustrating and you could do without the stress it causes - and some help with the caring. Do you get any help from social services for your mum?
Good morning . No I don’t get any help from SS .Thank you for your lovely message . Just need to just focus on mum and enjoy her twilight years. I am very blessed to have her and the family will guilt when she is no longer with us . Enjoy your sunday c
Who has brainwashed you to thinking this? It’s not true. We promised ourselves that when we were free again we’d do all sorts of things, but the never happened. He died of a massive heart attack at 58.
Mum is paying the price for living a long life. If she needs someone to take her out, it does NOT have to be with you!
What about your life?
Too late, I had brilliant counselling to help me manage mum’s expectations, only after I too was disabled and her choice was either carers or care home, NOT ME!
Apparently my post offended someone today. I was 8 years old when my younger brother was born. Mum probably had post natal depression, everything changed. I remember taking him to the rec one day and someone asked me if I was his mum?! I married, went to live in Australia for 3 years, and was dismayed that mum never left the house unless with dad. When he worked abroad, I had to do her shopping and odd jobs. When my son was brain damaged at birth in 1979, I got no help whatsoever. Later my sister in law got post natal depression, so I had her son while she was in hospital the first time, new born went into foster care. The SIL went back to her home country taking her son but leaving the baby with me! SSD promised help for M but none materialised. My Mum was in and out of hospital for years, hip op, knee surgery 3 times, if it wasn’t for me she would have been in a care home probably 10 years earlier. Younger brother and wife even flew Concorde to the Caribbean but never helped with mum, but borrowed off her. Elder brother borrowed thousands off my parents but never paid it back. My in laws were ill for years as well, again, they said they didn’t need carers as we would help! MIL ended up in a secure home, then we had to take FIL to visit too! This is only a tiny bit of mt story!! I had become the family’s Sacrificial Lamb. The one that did everything for everyone else but when I was in hospital having major cancer surgery I never even had a card. Within 24 hours of discharge my husband had to take me over to mum’s as the carers had mucked up the front door lock. No one had done any food shopping, or looked in the freezer I’d filled for her. Less than a week after discharge the GP and SSD were bullying me to care for mum over Christmas, and very annoyed when after all those years I said No. Turned out mum had an undiagnosed Broken Leg! No one has ever respected me, my life, my health. My brothers never visited mum regularly, some years not once. My husband died of a massive heart attack. I’ll always believe the stress of supporting all 4 parents, our brain damaged son, and then me having cancer was all too much for him. I’m on this forum to help others fall into the same traps we fell into. It’s all too late for me. All my dreams have gone forever.
@Diamond1 , I know what you mean. I’ve been there. Sometimes when you want to switch off, you can’t. It happened to me on a regular occurrence. Your subconscious is constantly thinking “What’s next?” Being a full time carer is a tiring task. 24hrs a day, 7days per week. Look at what you have achieved, not what you haven’t done. Take comfort in that. It’s not surprising your family won’t help. Same thing happened to me. I have a brother, niece and nephew and other family members (on my dad’s side) who couldn’t be bothered to lift a finger. “Too busy” is all I got. Relatives in Ireland 
was a different matter. I couldn’t ask them to hop on a plane on a whim. If stress does bother you, this forum is a good start. Also, try and get a carers assessment. I hope there is an organization in your area who can help. If not, try citizen’s advice. Also, I too will try to help if needed. All the best.
@Charlesh47 , I get what you mean. Although I did not have a good response from social services. Also, social workers.
@bowlingbun , moving on is hard. I reckon it’s more to do with family relationships, how close you are to your loved ones. From me, 30+yrs a carer. Now that I’m no longer a carer, I too am at a crossroads. Somedays, I (plus many others) probably think “What do I do now?” It’s true with me. The only other reason I’m resentful is how mum died. It was a shame it wasn’t at home in her own bed. It’s also the same with me with most of my dreams. From wanting to work in the games industry to wanting to be a full time musician. Those dreams are for me, dead.
Just to give you a small smile at the beginning of this.
I went to see Dawn French in a play about looking after her mum with bad Rheumatoid Arthritis. It started with stage in darkness she came in the door at the back put on a small lamp but down her large handbag. No dialogue. Then she scratched her back undid her bra clasp the straps came down her sleeves and she pulled it out through the top of her dress. She then had a big stretch the place erupted with laughter especially the ladies. We have all been there. And the show started with everyone relaxed.
The theme was what the daughter was missing out on what she had to do. All the things she would do if mum went into a home. Sadly mum died and the last scene is the daughter sitting there not knowing what to do. Very strong and poignant. Many of you have been there and hopefully moved on at least a bit. We must be careful how much we lose of ourselves. Diamond 1 please make sure you get help it does sound as if it’s taking its toll the way you are feeling.
It’s taken me to 65 to realise how I have been treated by my mother a covert narcissist. The forum here has saved my sanity since last June. No criticism just support from people who have or are there
Beware people who make you feel you MUST care for somebody, and question their motives. Very often it’s a family member who doesn’t want to care for the disabled person themselves.
@bowlingbun , I’ve come to a similar conclusion myself. I have been asked to “volunteer” as a carer for other people from a couple of charity organizations. Apart from mum, I did help a few other people around where I live. Those people were family friends. A few were also long time friends of mum’s (a few were immigrants from Ireland, just like mum). I didn’t mind helping them out. In the same way I didn’t mind help mum out. But people I don’t know, it ringing my alarm bell. Frankly, I’m thinking of looking for something new. Maybe if things work out, maybe live, love and work abroad in a few years time. I’ve got nothing left in the UK anymore. Brexit made sure of that.
Find a copy of “Starting Again” by Sarah Litvinoff, usually cheap on ebay.
This helped me much better than the doom and gloom books for bereaved people.
I know it’s really for people divorcing or separating but it applies to ex carers too, trying to build a new life when the old one has gone.
@bowlingbun , I’ll ask my local library for a copy. Cheers.
It’s a paperback, several copies for £3.40 on ebay today, post free.
I like having my own copy so I can highlight the most significant paragraphs.
@bowlingbun , I’ll check it out. Cheers.