My partner & I have been togerher for 24 years, but in November 2019 he had a major stroke resulting in me becoming his full time carer.
He was paralysed entirly on his right side & has aphasia, loss of speech…& cognitive issues.
The problem is, a month before the stroke I was going to leave him.
Since then, my partner has lost his Mum, his Dad, & obviously his job & friends, so has me & only me.
He actually said to me the other day, please dont say Im losing you because Ive lost everything.
I feel so trapped…he can’t physically live without me, yet surely my happiness counts for something?
This is the most basic version of our story, theres lots more to it…but any help would be amazing.
@Bitz Sending you a cyber hug. I am probably not the best person to respond but will give my opinion. I think you have to step back - you were going to leave him but compassion made you decide to stay. Yes you DO deserve happiness and a life of your own and as I found out, caring can go on and on and get worse. Very difficult to care for someone you love but hell to care for someone you do not! Care needs tend to increase with age…
Counselling would be a good option to pursue and see if you can negotiate a way round leaving. No one can be made to care and if you leave then the NHS will have to provide care for your partner. I do not know his or your financial situation? Do you work? How old are you? There are a lot of things you need to consider but my advice would be to work out a plan to leave and make sure that his Surgery know and mention ‘duty of care’. It may take you months to find alternative accomodation or you may feel it is better for him to be the one that leaves if you feel he could not manage in his present home even with Carers. I think you also need legal advice if you both own the house? I am sorry to sound hard but you let compassion trap you and now YOU have a right to live your life your way.
@Bitz….hi, welcome to the forum. I’m so sorry to hear your story. 5 years is a long time to care especially given your circumstances before. You have a right to a life for yourself and need to think
about your long term future and happiness. It’s not the same but my husband is only 58 and has had severe health issues over many years in particular the last 2. He is now in a nursing home and I’m pushing forward with re starting my life. It’s hard but there is now light at the end of the tunnel. Can you speak to social services and explain the situation and that you can’t care for him anymore, no one can force you to do this. I know it’s tough but you need to think about your future. Good luck and sending a big
