Family struggling to cope with dad’s dementia

My father in law has dementia. He lives alone about 1mile away from us. My husband works away several days a week and at home on other days. He is trying to care for his dad and work at the same time, his sister has decided she only wants to visit but not be tied to helping regularly and his brother lives in London and comes home about every six weeks to help for 2 days. I can see my husband getting more and more stressed. I help when I can but work full time too. To complicate things he is diabetic so we have to make sure he remembers to have his injections and check his blood sugar levels. Advice please. I think my husband will crack up if we don’t do something. He is a very caring person but i think we should get some help. I feel he thinks he will be letting his dad down by getting in outside help :frowning:

Hi Louise.

Some links to external help and guidance for you :

AGE UK … recommended for a full " M.o.t. " … power of attorney / wills / possible care home planning and safeguarding etc. etc. :

Alzheimer’s Society :

Outside care support … what’s available , and who provides it :

Needs assessment … upto date through the local LA ?

Father … a home owner / tenant ?

Assests / savings … in excess of £ 23,000 ? … will determine how much he may have to pay for outside care.

Hi Louise,

welcome to the forum. Supporting someone with dementia can be stressful as is juggling work and caring.

Your FIL should definitely be entitled to help, he may or may not have to pay for/towards this depending on his financial situation.

Is he still able to test his own blood and do his own injections with prompts?


In my area the district nurses visit daily to help with diabetes injections and blood testing.

Can be arranged through the doctors.

Hi Louise,
You and your husband CANNOT manage this on your own. Dementia is a cruel illness, you can do whatever you can to make the journey downhill as comfortable as possible, but the reality is that FIL will end up needing care 24/7, which usually means residential care. Now for a few questions to give us a better picture, and offer best ideas.
How old is FIL?
Does your husband/SIL have power of attorney?
Is he claiming exemption from Council Tax due to Severe Mental Impairment?
Claiming Attendance Allowance?
Does FIL live in his own, or rented property?
Do you and your husband live in rented property?
Does FIL have over £23,000 in savings?

How are you lately?

Hi Louise,

there’s no reason for you to feel guilty or think you or your husband are letting his dad down, caring for someone with dementia is very tough, its not easy. Getting outside help is normal, and if you think it will benefit his dad for the better, then its probably the most helpful thing you can do for him. Maybe having a carer come to the home a few times a week could help you manage his health more, especially if the carer has got of experience looking after someone with certain medical conditions. And if it goes well, you could always have the option for the carer to come in for more hours or days if its needed.

There’s a quite a few agencies that can can give so many different private care services, maybe this will be useful for you

Louise, we CAN help make things better, but the advice we give needs to be tailored to someone’s specific circumstances. If you could answer the questions I posed a while ago, we can then explain the best way of dealing with things.

Louise was last active on the forum on the same day as her original post, she’s not been back since then, according to her profile.