Hi everyone.
My name is Ruth I care for my dad he’s got Parkinson’s and dementia I’m 28.
I just wondered if any of you knew about the family meetings the social do but not the ones they do for vulnerable children as that’s all I seem to be getting up. Just a general meeting with the family you want to try getting involved in your life to help out again. I know it’s ringing social but has anyone done this before? And know how it works? Can give me any advice?
I’ve been coping upto now quite well but my dad unfortunately has broke his hip and is now in hospital.
I’ve gotten ill from stress and waiting on a blood test result to come back and I’ve been advised to rest. So the time I’ve had to think I now realise having the family back could help with hospital visits etc I’m unable to visit everyday at the moment. So any advice you have would help me a ton.
Thanks for reading
Update and to answer some questions
Hi all thanks for all the replies Elaine you have especially helped with solid advice so far. It’s been quite busy and stressful since my last post and forgive me I don’t know how to add another post so I’ll add to this one. Elaine you have it all correct and your post was spot on and yes I knew it was a long shot to ask family to do that but I was looking for ANYTHING to help without much having to change for my father and I thought that would be one way I could achieve that even though it would be weird if they was back. Since my last post family mediation has become pretty much out of the question for me anyway due to costs and just what I feel about it now including the above said reasons in Elaine’s post. I was just looking to problem solve in any way I could before. Regarding my health blood tests have come back abnormal so I’m going to see a specialist soon. Everything still feels a lot to me though. I am unsure of ringing a family member would help but I do plan to try again, but I do feel with there attitude before they’d just tell me to ‘get on with it’ as they have said before. But it’s just building up enough guts to ring I don’t want to beg or put on them I like been independent, but enough is enough now. Honestly I do have anger from them knowingly leaving me in this position with my father and I feel wanting to get back in touch is a bit of anger talking aswell against them. The family is my nans sister and husband ( aunt and uncle) they are the last family I can get in touch with. My mom passed on when I was younger. I know my father is getting worse, he does live with me and there is sort of a care plan in place there saying 4 carers a day but they said they can’t offer me anymore then that or else my benefit will be took away. But they can’t find any additional support for me but I am going to be talking to a social worker soon. I am getting the correct benefits for me. So it looks like I will be caring full time again and be expected to regardless of what I’m going through myself. You can see the pattern developing already. I am aware Parkinson’s can cause dementia when I first spotted the signs it was the worst. The dementia has got pretty bad which has been what has stressed me. Has anyone felt that they are been abused? Or been through abuse when there caring for someone with dementia? I’m sorry if I come across as niave in any post I’m just trying to figure it out
Hi Ruth,
Forgive me if I’ve got this all wrong. I know nothing about family meetings.
Am I correct in thinking that you are hoping members of the family will turn up to a meeting with someone ‘official’ (SS) who will remind them of their ‘duty’ towards your father and explain that their input is needed. Then suddenly all the family who haven’t been helping out will willingly, volunteer to ‘do their bit’?
Really?
It may work, you know your family members best, but it seems to me that if they haven’t responded to appeals from yourself, have no interest in visiting your dad and take no interest in his welfare, they are not likely to start now. Remember that no adult can be forced to care for another adult, no matter what the relationship is. That applies to you too. If they can’t, won’t, or simply can’t be bothered there’s no way to force them to help. If such a meeting brought about some response, against their inclinations, it might well cause resentment towards you and your dad and in that case how long would it last? You might well be back to square 1 in very short order.
Have you contacted family members and asked for help? Who are they? Brothers and/or sisters? Aunts and uncles? Is Mum not with you any more? (Don’t mean to cause hurt). Would a phone call bring about any response do you think?
Even if you find you are the last one left available to care for Dad in any way that does not mean you have to do everything yourself. (In fact you don’t have to do anything at all but that’s probably not your outlook on this situation). Bear in mind that Dad is, unfortunately, going to get worse, and worse and you cannot cope on your own. Dad shouldn’t be discharged from hospital without a care plan in place. Does he live with you?
In between the worst scenario of you trying to care for Dad against massive odds, while not in good health yourself, and the ideal situation you are hoping for which is masses of family help, there are ways and means of getting help for you and dad. There’s loads of information on this site and some very well informed members who will be pleased to give you hints, tips and explain what should happen next.
Please post again and give some more information which will help us help you. How old is dad? What are the current living arrangements for both of you? What help and benefits (If any) do either or both of you receive?
Remember you are anonymous on here, so keep details of things like where exactly you live to yourself and information you give cannot be traced to you. No-one judges or blames in any way. We just want to help because in one way or another we have been there.
KR