Exhausted not sleeping greiving upset

My caree died a while ago, I was supplying night care at the end , my sleep was disrupted, tended to catch sleep while I could.

My sleep seems to be worse, I am up until 5 or 6 in the morning just can’t sleep, finally get to sleep but bad sleep wake up, lie there tired but can’t sleep.

Social Services was no help whatsoever during the care, never received any help then, and never seen any one now case closed.

My doctor has given me sleeping tablets but reluctant to take them, can I drive after taking sleeping tablets, shopping, hospital appointments etc.

I am still thinking of my friend, very upset still, the memorys are still there, no grieving help support has ever been offered.

I have read in the latest unpaid carer statement by the council, words to the effect , once the caring role ends, it doesn’t mean the support ends.

Everyone knew I was caring the G.p. the care company, social services, the hospital as i had to sort things out there, has there been any support offered, a card no nothing at all.

My local vet seem to be a lot more sympathetic, when a pet dies you get a lovely card, and help and support through the process, the staff there are lovely, sympathetic, helpful.

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Hi LondonBound.

Rest assured that we , on this forum , can fully understand where you are coming from … and that dark place you are now in.

I could add to that but … not on a very personal thread.

You know where we are , and what we can offer fellow carers … past , like me , or present.

I’m grieving too. Hubby died in May. Although it had been a long goodbye because of dementia, I still feel the heart pull of never seeing him again. DD is having stages of what the blasted dementia did to him. Today I am teary, as its granddaughter 2 graduation. He would be so proud, especially as she had a life threatening illness when she was 3, and still has the effects of it. He would find it amusing too that Dawn French is the ambassador of Falmouth University, gave a speech, and to each graduate, a chocolate Dawn French coin! We miss sharing with him.
Im sure this won’t help really but its good for me to share.

I try to cheer myself up by thinking that all those
worse times during caring I am now free of.

The incontinence, repeating questions etc. the struggle to get
the caree back on her feet when falling over etc.

I am free of it all and I try to soar like up like a lark when
getting sad and depressed.
That’s what keeps me from sinking too far now, the freedom.

Hi Londonbound
As the GP has prescribed tablets, why not give them a go? They might just give you enough sleep to break the pattern. You don’t have to take them for life, or if they don’t agree with you. If you had a broken leg you’d accept a crutch while it healed wouldn’t you?

Have you tried contacting Cruse? They are very supportive

Please try to be kinder to yourself. Grieving is a horrible but natural and necessary process. Try to allow yourself to be carried on its waves, they will start to even out


After two months of not sleeping after my husband died, I went to the doctor for medication.
I did NOT want to take pills BUT my body desperately needed some rest and sleep.
Please take the pills, and start going to bed at a set time, a warm bath, a warm drink, whatever helps the most.
I have Sky Plus in my bedroom (installed when I was disabled) so I record non challenging programmes to watch if I can’t go to sleep, deliberately relaxing as I watch, then just listen, then nod off. I know this isn’t recommended by the experts, but it works for me.

sleep deprivation is the worst - what tablets did the GP give you. Why not try them just to reset your body clock.
I can vouch for Cruse too - they really helped me when my Dad died in the fire.



If you have difficulty sleeping, have you tried using lavender oil. A few drops in the bath before bedtime and it will help you relax and drop off. Dont have caffeine after a certain time. There are many sleep remedies you can get from Boots. The Sanctuary do a good sleep spray, Wellness Solutions Sleep Mist. I hope this helps.


Hi I lost my beloved hubby last year & even now i hate bed times, as i am crying so much. Family members havent a clue. They could offer more help. I am drained . But have to try & keep positive . regards amanda h


Sending you cyber support and ((((hugs)))), Amandah.


2 posts were split to a new topic: Former carers group query