Hi again, sorry for another post this one is about entertaining my mum.
Lately, mum has been extremely annoying in regards to loneliness. The trouble is she won’t entertain herself and needs people to do it for her.
She’s constantly getting peed of at me if I am with my sister and is constantly checking if I am with her. She’s asking me if I’m with my sister at random times of the day. It’s because she’s jealous.
I literally took her to the cafe this morning before the viewing. I went to the viewing with her and it’s not enough.
My other sister also said she would come from Sheffield today, but she hasn’t bothered. Mum is now at me over it.
Hi CC - are you able to distract Mum with conversations of things from her past or the family history? I used to find that useful with some of our ‘elderly’ relatives as it took them out of the here and now and back to happy times (mostly). Could you get her talking about any of her aunts and uncles or grandparents?
Just a thought.
Accept that whatever you do will never ever be enough for mum. For the sake of your own sanity turn your phone onto silent, if she has a go at you, walk away. It is none of her business what you do, who you see or where you go. You are not a child anymore.
Your Mum’s support workers should be addressing this.
Since your Mum craves company - what about community lunch clubs, groups run at the local library, seated exercise classes, or online groups eg
https://www.communitycatalysts.co.uk/smallgoodstuff/directory/
she may also be able to get Social prescribing via her GP:
NHS England » Social prescribing.
However, moving house and adjusting to a new place takes time so perhaps leave these for now until she is settled.
@bowlingbun the trouble is she only wants certain types of entertainment. I.e she wants to be in the pub.
She is angry because my sister didn’t come down because instead of going for a birthday meal for my sister she wants to go to the pub. S
Most people would learn a new skill or whatever, but she wont. Ive tried and tried again. Shes had stuff bought for her.
She says she doesnt have enough money for entertainment and meals, but she has £900 a month after bills for all that. Shes putting crap over everything.
Shes just asked me since my sister let her down if would do something with her and pay for her. I told her I dont have the money as I have just bought a new car for work.
I just cannot do it. I am absolutely exhausted. I haven’t washed or managed to do a wash or clean my home in five days. I have been living off pot noodles, because I cant be bothered to cook after work. I am getting home and crashing only to feel no different after resting.
Shes making me scared to go to the shop incase she is there.
She cannot engage in conversation with anyone. Her opening line is always “my partner died”.
When I bought the new car just over a week ago, I got it from the place I got my first car from. I was talking to the guy, he said she remembers me buying that car with dad. I thought it was really sweet that he remembered.
When buying the car he was talking to me because we lived on the same street at one point (where my mum lives). He was asking where I was now, and I said. I mentioned dad not being around anymore.
I was talking to mum about the car and she was more bothered about asking me intricate questions about why I didnt say more about dad. I told her because I was disucssing buying a new car. She was not happy about that,
I understand all that, but mum can’t always have what she wants!
You need to distance yourself from her as much as possible so that you can have a good life of your own. Stop running around after her and start putting yourself first.
I remember you have your own health issues, so why not take yourself out in your car this weekend and treat yourself to a good wholesome meal in a garden centre, or cafe? Enjoy the weather, take yourself for a short walk somewhere, sit and enjoy the peace of the countryside.
Maybe even buy a pay as you go phone for emergencies and work, then you can leave behind your “main” phone on trips out?