Elderly aunt coercion

Long story short, Before Christmas My mother walked into my 88-year-old elderly Aunts bungalow ( My aunt had only less than a month ago started taking antibiotics for a severe (UTI) urinary tract infection which was causing her cognition impairment ) where she discovered my Aunt sitting on a neighbours laptop changing her will over a Zoom call with a new solicitor and the neighbour who is my aunts “primary carer” present.

While the neighbour was in my aunt’s bungalow my mother called the Police who stated since my mother was her next of kin and unactivated power of attorney she should tell the neighbour to leave immediately, and as far as they were concerned due to the severity of the situation the power of attorney was now activated. The neighbour refused to leave. and Police refused to send anyone to help since they said it was not a legal issue.

Over the coming months, my aunt continued to come to our bungalow every day which is next door to hers with a cut-out at the fence for her to come over without having to go around. For the past almost 10 years she had been coming round every morning and staying almost the whole day. I remember one day she got really upset and emotional over changing her will and stated she didn’t want to do it and that they had made her do it.

Basically, we told the Police the story they came down to take our statements then a few days later visited my Aunt next door to ask her ( whilst the neighbour was there ), after a while with no reply from the Police we called them again to ask them what was happening and they stated my aunt had onset dementia now but did not have it when she changed her will ( Which was approx a month before ) so they could not do anythings, so they had closed the case.

We had also been in contact with Social Services and Adult social care who also did not seem to want to help they continued to tell us they would call/visit my aunt and call us to update us which they never did.

My aunt has also since told me that she is leaving her large (7+ acre field) to the neighbour’s daughter who she doesn’t even know.

As my mother is her Power of attorney she feels as if she has let my aunt down as this is exactly why my aunt asked her to be her power of attorney because she knew people would try this.

Now we are all so confused from the Lack of support from the Police, Adult Social care, and social services we have basically given up with them all. My aunt’s solicitor has even told us that my aunt called her to change her will but the solicitor told her she would need to see her face to face ( As the solicitor didn’t believe my aunt even knew who the solicitor was and didn’t believe my aunt was alone ) which was the reason the lady had found another solicitor for my aunt, but the Police/ Social Services refuse to call her solicitor to get any details or a statement.

Just wondering if anyone else has had anything similar to this happen to them and could recommend any further steps as every time we talk to my aunt we later see the neighbour and her husband having a go at her like a naughty child and we have to sit in our house and watch it through a window. The other day my aunt spoke to me for a good 10 minutes over the fence, then yesterday the neighbour and her husband took her out somewhere, shortly after there was an ambulance who stated my aunt had fallen over in her bungalow I believe the verbal abuse may have evolved into physical abuse. they have told her she is not allowed to visit us anymore due to the pandemic even though she is part of our support bubble and have fitted cameras all around her bungalow and facing into our bungalow so they can monitor her every move and I believe have even bugged her phone.

I have missed out alot of details but hopefully you will be able to decypher the main points, everytime i try to write about this it makes my blood boil and i get very emotional as it was our job to protect her and we all feel like we have let her down.

I have also noticed on eBay that this neighbour has been listing my aunts belongings and memorabilia that she has collected throughout her life, stuff that she would never sell.

Earlier today whilst my aunt was in hospital getting X-Rays the neighbour helped herself into my aunts bungalow where she proceeded to block the large window in her bungalow I assume so we could not see what she was doing. Lord only knows what she was doing in there but it did not look good.

Any Advice is hugely appreciated.

Talk to the Office of the Public Guardian, as you have POA. I’m appalled at your situation.

On ebay, make sure you have her as one of your “favourite sellers” so you can see everything she has sold. It’s theft. As you have POA, change the locks.

Thank you so much for your response,

My mother has already contacted the Office of the Public Guardian and was informed they cannot help until Social services have deemed her unfit to manage her health, which as far as we’re aware the only interaction my aunt has had with them was the time a while ago when she called the Police in the middle of the night where she told them that there were two women in her house, when the Police arrived she proceeded to tell them she knew they were trying to burgle her because she saw it on the television earlier that night. My aunt also has an alert pendant around her neck that when she presses sends an alert to someone I believe who is from social services. who also sent more Police.

and I have followed her on eBay and have taken pictures of everything she has sold, but getting anyone to look at them will be another mission by itself, When this first started we had to start recording every conversation we had with my aunt whilst in our house, and have a lot of recordings of my aunt voicing her opinions and concerns regarding this woman and the will in question which no one from either the Police or Social Services will even entertain.

And a funny story about changing the locks…

The day we took my aunt to get her first covid vacine she told me the neighbour had a “right go” at her on the phone saying she couldn’t go with us to get the vaccine and she would organise them to give her the vacine at her home, which we knew from already asking that they wouldn’t do, never the less we took her to get the vaccine and when we got home my aunt went to her bungalow to get changed as she had a accident while in the car on the way home, when she returned she had a McDonalds burger, when my mother asked her where she got it she replied she didn’t know and that the neighbour must have left it in her house, So she phoned the neighbour to make sure as my mother was worried it may have been sitting on the side for god knows how long, When she got off the phone she said the neighbour had left it on the side for her, so I curiously asked how she got in thinking my aunt must have given her a key, so she called her back and asked and the lady replied that my aunt had left her doors unlocked, which i know for a fact was a lie since i was the one who locked them both. At this point my aunt began to worry so she asked us to get the locks changed, so we did. The next thing we know the neighbor had fitted new locks.

We are just totally powerless. At this point, my mother has had to start recording all of her calls since the last time she called the Police the officer was extremely rude and threatening, when my mother told him she had mental health issues he basically told her to give up, and that if we escalate this further we would be investigated which my mother replied we wanted to be investigated. At the end of the call, my mother just burst out in tears. I heard the conversation from the other room and it made me feel sick that a Police officer would be talking to anyone like that, funnily enough when we requested all of the recordings of calls this was the only one they “had not recorded”

During another call one of the officers had stated that they knew my aunt had dementia just from talking with her and they knew that she was being brainwashed into doing things but there was nothing they could do, basically implying we needed to wait for her to die to get any help at all, by that time it’s too late.

I strongly believe this lady could have been with-holding her tablets to get her into a state of confusion so she could get her to change her will for her own gain albeit through her daughter. I beleive this may have been the reason the lady did not want her to go for the vaccine as she may have believed they may do a blood test and discover she was not taking her tablets or was maybe even taking a different medication. But that is only speculation.

And like i said previously it seems when ever she talks to us they punish her in one way or another, either having a go at her or maybe even more, the juries out on that one, my mother has reported to the hospital that they believed there may have been foul play involved judging from the arguing we heard not long before the ambulances arrived.

The only thing I can’t figure out is why my mother who is her Next-of-kin and Power of attorney over both her health and finances ( even though it’s not activated should stand for something surely ) cannot get any assistance from the Police or Social services.

Sorry to drag on It’s just finally nice to let some of the information out as it’s been doing laps in my head for months. I still can’t believe this is real myself, it all feels like a bad dream.

Get the POA activated. After all it has been accepted that she has dementia. Somehow, get a covert camera installed. Maybe contact the Alzheimer’s Society?


this is appalling. This is clearly a safeguarding issue.

This might have useful information on safeguarding:


You could contact the Carers UK helpline

You can email us at > adviceline@carersuk.org > and we will respond to your enquiries within 10 working days, although it can often be sooner.

Our telephone helpline providing information is open from Monday to Friday between 9am and 6pm - 0808 808 7777

or Age UK

0800 678 1602
Age UK Advice Line: 0800 678 1602
Lines are open 8am-7pm, 365 days a year.

or the dementia helpline:

Dementia Connect support line
If you need dementia support, we’re here for you. Get personalised information, support and advice by calling us on 0333 150 3456.


We’ve contacted Alzheimers Society, Age UK, Social care direct and I beleive a few other all to no avail, Gonna give it another go with the POA tomorrow if no luck just going to bite the bullet and call a solicitor and hopefully they can help as we’ve been going around in circles for the past 4-5 months, One minute social services are telling us they will give us a call back the next telling us they don’t do callbacks. If you can’t trust the people who are paid to protect you when you’re elderly who can you trust?

Thanks again for all your support, It is really appreciated.

Just went out to the kitchen and saw the lady is in my aunts bungalow even though my aunt is still at the hospital It all just feels like a bad joke at this point.

She parks her huge vehicle infront of my aunts door and window so we can’t see what she’s doing, she put a blind up earlier today which during the day time you could not see through at all, She blocks the gateway through the fence with obstacles to prevent my aunt coming over,

It’s the kind of stuff you only see on TV.

And thanks for the suggestions Melly1, I’ll speak to my mother tomorrow and see if she’s already contacted the CarersUK helpline and if not we’ll give them a go!

Take photos of all this. The woman is clearly up to no good. If aunt I in hospital and she is in aunt’s house, she is trespassing. Get one of the family to park their car in the drive, or tell her to move it and if she refuses, call in a recovery company!

Crikey. This sounds bloody awful.

I’m surprised adult social care have not gotten involved. Do they not have a client financial services team? Our local authority does and they really help out when young clients are being taken advantage of.

That woman sounds like a right piece of work. Phone the Police and say she’s an intruder!

Can’t you move your auntie into your bungalow or you move into hers so that awful woman can’t get in? Are they bungalow owned or rented from the local authority. If rented, phone them up and ask for advice.

Look up domestic abuse agencies in your area. This is clearly abuse albeit not between a couple or husband and wife. They may be able to signpost you or possibly even give your auntie some counseling or support.

Now that aunty has officially been diagnosed with dementia, Social Services have a statutory duty to ensure she is OK.
Go to the LA, search for Adult Social Care, and then Protection of Vulnerable Adults.
At very least they should have a Best Interests meeting.

As mum has POA, once it’s activated I would suggest that she sells it to you, or someone else, for a nominal sum. If it’s been sold before aunty’s death, that part of the will is irrelevant. Everything belongs to aunty until she dies or sells her property.

Selling her stuff on ebay is definitely theft. Have you alerted ebay? I’d ask for her account to be suspended until further notice.

One of my principles in life is Revenge is a dish best served cold. Don’t get mad, get even!
I don’t argue with anyone. I say nothing, walk away, engage brain, and get my revenge!!!

BB I think I am reading this wrong - a POA can’t be “sold”, do you mean that Ralph’s Aunty should sell her home to Ralph ? Even then surely that could be considered a deprivation of assets if Aunty has to be assessed to go into a care home ?

From what the Police told my mother the woman has told them that my mother was abusing my aunt and had forced her to change her will 8+ years prior with my mothers hand picked solicitor, bearing in mind my mother has been diagnosed with fibromyalgia and some days cannot even get out of bed, and my aunt had been with the same solicitors for over 40 years from what her solicitor told us. They also told us that the lady had told them my mother had told my aunt to hurry up and die, I’m not sure if this is before or after we booked the hospital to get her cancer removed, or after we organized her tablets to be placed into dosset boxes because the tablets were dehydrating her liver and killing her. the Police will not even entertain us and have told us once she dies they will look into it. by this time it’s too late.

It seems the Police have lied to us on so many occasions it’s becoming a joke. They told us they spoke to my aunt while the lady wasn’t present which we clearly saw through her large window was not the case. I believe my mother even video-recorded it through the window, some times when my mother calls them they are friendly and nice on the phone until she gives them her name or my aunts name then they get additude and sometimes we have even been cut off entirely, which is the same story with Social Services.

Prior to all of this my aunt had been so worried about her memory problems she had even asked my mother to book her two appointments with the memory clinic which on both occasions they called her and she didn’t remember booking them so stated her memory was fine, recently we also got a call from the doctors stating she had missed a vital appointment, it looks to me like these people are just trying to kill her off at this point, now the will has been change and they know the Police won’t do anything.

I remember my aunt telling all of us that the lady had found her a new “straight” solicitor who fancied her, that should ring alarm bells for anyone.

This lady goes to her bungalow almost every morning, the mornings she doesn’t my aunt will wave at us through the window, talk to us and act like nothing happened but the mornings she does my aunt will look at us like we’re not even there, acts like she’s done something wrong when she does talk to us and doesn’t seem her self at all. It’s as if they have to reinforce her that we are trying to bully her.

The main problem is when we talk to my aunt the same night the lady will come down, and sometimes we have even heard the lady having a go at her with her husband sitting outside basically on look out duty, I’m not being funny but if one of us went over there and they started we would probably end up losing our temper with them big time, just reinforcing what the lady had told the police. hense we have to try and do everything by the book.

Like I said we have recordings, videos, and pictures to correlate but no one Police, Social Services nor Adult safeguarding will give us the time of day. It’s as if they have just taken the word of a stranger over her closest living family members who have lived next door for all their lives.

My aunt had asked my mother to be her power of attorney and had asked myself and my brother to be her joint power of attornies if anything happened to my mother due to her condition, this lady knew all of this which is why i believe she done it sneakily behind closed doors. the will is the last concern on our minds we just want our aunt back and safe.

Both of our properties are owned and have been in our families for the past almost 100 years, since my nan and my aunt were both best friends for most of their lives they wanted to stay close, both of these properties are worth a small fortune.

It just seems as soon as we all locked down due to the pandemic this lady began taking over my aunt’s life completely. Somedays my aunt would tell us she had only retired 6 years ago, which is closer to 30 years ago.

The lady has blocked all of my aunt’s outside life telling her she could not go outside during the pandemic and could not go shopping at all. this was before hairdressers and other places had closed, even my aunt’s friends have called us and asked us why she’s not answering her phone to them.

We have gone from making memories with my aunt to losing almost all contact with her entirely.

Currently we’re in contact with a solicitor who we’re trying to get involved as it may cause Social Services and Adult safe guarding to take this matter seriously. Unlike the woman we all have a solid income and have not lost our jobs due to the pandemic.

Sorry for another chapter, everytime i start writing about this i intend on writing a small amount but cannot stop once I start.

I’m not sure if she has officially been diagnosed with dementia as it’s only the Police officer who stated she had dimentia and we cannot get anyone to do a visit they state they have already had someone visit and have deemed her to be of sound mind, but we have not seen any visitors, and for the POA Myself and brother have joint backup POA if anything happens to my mother but for all we know the lady could have gotten her to change the POA to herself also, when we last spoke to my aunts solicitor she said she would contact the Office of the Public Guardian and tell them about the situation incase they did try to change it but since we were not her activated POA at the time she could not tell us anymore.

Previously my aunt had told us she wanted to sign it all over to my mother due to a family member who lives in america trying to get her to “reverse mortgage” ( which here is known as an equity release ) her property and give him the money, we even have letters which he sent her stating this. She also claimed her told her he was going to burn her property down if she left it to my mother pretty sure we even have her saying this recorded.

Asfar as we know they could have already done an equity release on her property and could be filtering her money away as we speak.

We just can’t get anyone to take us seriously at this point.

Don’t worry about the length of your thread, this is the worst case of it’s type I can remember on the forum!!
With regard to my earlier post, it appears I edited the sense out of it, many apologies.
I was suggesting that aunt sells you THE FIELD, then it can’t be given to the woman’s daughter!
A will only comes into effect when someone dies, so if any assets feature in the will that are no longer in that person’s possession, then any reference to it becomes irrelevant.
Another thing to discuss with a solicitor.

With regard to the Police, I suggest your mum makes a Subject Access Request to the Police, asking for copies of everything they have on file regarding her, in relation to aunt. They have 20 working days in which to comply. See the Information Commissioner’s website for more details.

Thanks again for reply,

At this point, I would not be surprised if they had already made her sell them the field. I cannot even get close enough to talk to her most days let alone get her to do anything like that, and I really wouldn’t want to as that field is the history and memories of her “glory days” every time I talk to her they come over shortly after they have fitted cameras facing inside her bungalow , all around her bungalow and across to our bungalow , and every time I’ve talked to her moments later her phone would ring. and it would be one of them. or the lady would drive straight down, They’re watching her like a hawk at this point, currently I’m pretty sure my aunt is still in the hospital ( The hospital would not tell us anything other than she would be staying at least overnight because apparently, the lady was her “Next of kin” ). The lady still has her van parked blocking the drive with another of her vehicles blocking her windows and door. The lady even went to my aunt’s bungalow last night for at least 2 hours turned all of my aunt’s lights on and left them on overnight. I know for a fact my aunt has cash hidden away in her bungalow , and would not be surprised if that was what she was looking for. I’m not sure what is even going on. When my aunt first said that the lady wanted to fit cameras around her bungalow my aunt said we would be able to access them as well since we’re the closest to her bungalow and could see if any intruders were there, we never received the login details for them and the only people who can see the cameras are her cousin who has lived in America for the past probably 40+ years, I mean what is he going to do if an intruder breaks in? and this neighbor woman magically appears every time we talk to my aunt.

We made a Subject Access Request to the Police approx a month and a half ago where they sent a “CD” with the recordings on and a dialogue of the conversations which was missing vital parts of the conversations, luckily my mother has actually recorded all calls since the call with the officer who was having a bad day and decided to take it out on her.

Our main concern is that they try to put her in a home, which she had told us they had made reference to previously, she had actually come over crying one day saying she didn’t want to be put in a home out of the blue and saying she wanted to die in her own bed, around 8ish years ago. which is the main reason we accepted the POA in the first place as that’s what families do for each other. The only reason we did not activate the POA immediately was that we did not want to take her independence away as that’s the worst thing you can do to someone, but this lady has done it all with no remorse.

All of our neighbors have seen this escalate, everytime they would come up to the bungalow they asked where’s “aunty J” because they were so used to seeing her in our bungalow eating dinner, etc. The neighbors have told us in the past that the lady was no good since they had heard things about her, e.g she had been renting my aunt’s field out to their friends for their horses without my aunt’s permission among a few other things. ( Initially, my aunt had started renting her field to this lady although when it came to payment the lady would always say she had paid her in cash and she must have forgotten )

The Police are just useless at this point they continued to close our cases without informing us, In the end, my mother escalated it so much the officer stated if we escalated it more they would investigate us, but when we tried to escalate it more they said they wouldn’t do it since we had basically used up all of our dedicated police resources. We have been in contact with Crimestoppers, Police Conduct, and more with no help whatsoever. The furthest we got with the Police was they said they had an “internal” officer investigating the case which achieved nothing.

If what the Police had stated was true that they were accusing us of abusing my aunt surely they should have investigated us before the lady had taken it into her own hands to get my aunt’s will changed.

Nothing makes sense anymore we just feel alone in the world without any support, we have always been the kind of family who has respected the Police, none of us have any history with the Police prior and just thought they’ll be there when we need them. since that’s what our taxes pay for.

At the end of the day, an elderly 88-year-old lady does not just wake up one day and decide she wants to up-root her family, change her will and decide she is being abused by her family then the next thing, come around for Christmas dinner, boxing day dinner and the weeks surrounding the holidays and get emotional about signing something she didn’t want to, It doesn’t make sense.

We had to comfort her over Christmas because she said: “they made” her sign “something” she didn’t want to. but no one would listen to the recordings.

I blame the Police fully for what is going on even though my mother blames herself, I believe if they had visited when we called when the lady was in the bungalow refusing to leave with my aunt while she was in the middle of a zoom call changing her will this would not have escalated this far and we would still have our aunt telling us stories about the good old days and the trouble she used to get up to with my nan, I also believe the Police know they done wrong which is why they don’t want to investigate further as they neglected to send anyone when we first reported it. which has most likely caused my aunt alot more stress than an elderly lady can handle. we have never actually asked my aunt about anything and everything she has said has been out of her own concern as we did not want to make her upset as she is an elderly lady and things like this can easily push people over the edge.

This is nothing to do with the money at this point, It’s to do with a human life. my aunt had always talked about dying and I had always told her you’ll live to atleast 100 which she probably would have without these people in her life as she never smoked never drank and the only health problem she has was the overdosing on her talbets which from regular checkups her liver was no longer dehydrated and she was perfectly healthy, and she actually looked alot younger than she was, now she looks older than she is, looks as pale as a ghost and everytime we see her we worry it might be the last time.

I believe the UTI was caused by this lady not helping her change her incontinence pads which my mother had always handled and i honestly think they was going to get her to sign her will and leave the UTI so she might have gotten worse, I’m not sure how bad a UTI can get but from what the doctor said it can severly affect your cognition among causing other things. If my mother had not walked over that day and found them changing the will we would still be oblivious to anything. but atleast we’d still have my aunt in our lives. even though she would tell the same story about her horses 3 times a day.

I’m actually surprised about how much support and advice I’ve already received from you all, I mostly started this thread to just release some of it from my mind as it makes me feel sick thinking about it all day everyday.

Some good news, we found a solicitor who is going to help with the Police and Social Services! we might actually be able to get some help after all

You will get lots of support here, I’m dismayed at your situation.
I’m pleased that all the neighbours are concerned about aunty’s well being.

We have CCTV here, as we own a couple of old steam engines and other things, four of our immediate neighbours have been broken into.
Did you know that it’s unlawful to have cameras filming someone else’s property?
(When ours were installed, the fitters were concerned that the house over the road was covered, but that belongs to someone who I have known since she was born, she is glad we are keeping an eye on her place).

So you can complain about the cameras installed around your aunt’s place filming you, and insist that they are removed!!

I can see this lot ending up in Court.
Have you thought about checking this woman’s credit, via a credit reference agency?
Has she got a criminal record?

Be sure to keep a diary of major happenings.
Have you thought about contacting Help the Aged?

Yeah we are aware of the CCTV sitation but at first we believed it was just for her protection so we did not mind it looking into our property at all, they had claimed that it was social services who were going to be fitting the cameras so we were not concerned at all, until social services told us they don’t do that.

I’d imagine this will end up in court but maybe something good will come out of it, Like i said we don’t really care about the money or property since if we wanted it we’d just buy it after all of this. We’re not poor to say the least. I believe it all started when this lady was looking through my aunts bankstatements which everyone knows she’s not short of a penny. since my aunt had previously told me the lady was becoming her new accountant.

As far as I’m aware the lady doesn’t have any previous criminal offences but when people see this kind of money they tend to act differently. A neighbour had previously told my mother that this lady had done fund raising for her disabled daughter to go to america to have an operation that they would not do here, and had not taken her to get it done, but this is just speculation.

This lady apparently doesn’t have time to care for her severely disabled daughter who needs full time care so has to hire carers for her but has plently of time to care for my rich aunty who has family sitting next door who have looked after her for most of her elderly life, and help her with her finances?

From my reasearch it looks like this lady has money problems as she is selling all kinds of useless junk on eBay some of which are my aunts, I know they are hers because the photos are taken in my aunts backyard, many of which she has said she has given to family members when she’s gone. Police don’t want nothing to do with it.

She has 3 stables in her backyard which she actually gave to me to use as an office ( only a verbal agreement ) but that’s usually enough in our family, because she wanted someone to be down the bottom of her yard often to stop people trying to steal things, So i began decorating them, Placed new floors, plastered walls etc, then one day she told me the lady had told her we had to take all of our things out of them. Just shows how much control this lady really has over my aunt at this point.

We have pictures of everything, recordings of everything, videos of everything but getting someone to watch / listen to them is the hardest part I’m sure if someone would actually take the time to listen to one recording they’d agree, everyone we have called Police, Social services, Adult safe-guarding acts the same as you people and are disgusted at what is going on until they hear our names then they change their tone and act like everything is normal, so confusing

This sounds horrendous for your poor aunt.
Is there any way you could report it to the police in a different area (county)? What about her GP or district nurses. When I was a community nurse we attended training on how to recognise this sort of abuse and how to resolve it.

It’s painful to watch everytime i see the lady in my aunts property my blood boils, The lady is in my aunts property now with gloves on looking through my aunts drawers which I’m pretty sure carers are not supposed to go into people houses while they are not there, I am more worried as my aunt has shown me places where she hides her cash and this lady was bending over out of view exactly where these spots are.

My mother just informed me that when she had a call from one of my aunts friends my aunt had insisted to her that she had no money, the last time i saw one of my aunts bank statements she had upwards of £140,000 in only one of her banks and has multiple banks with more. Bearing in mind this neighbour lady has just purchased a new horse box and new vehicle.

Neighbours also have told us they have called the Police as they are worried about her and they have done nothing also.

Pretty sure my mother has actually contacted Police from a few counties such as the Thurrock District all with no help, Everywhere you look it tells you to look out for this during the corona virus and that elderly people are most vulnerable and gives you all the signs to look out for, every sign is there but the police won’t even acknowledge it