Don't know what to do

I’ve fought for 6 years to get my wife home. She suffered a Brain injury following an infection in hospital after a routine operation. She is now disabled, blind and mentally impaired, bearing in mind she was a chartered engineer and director of an international company.

Now she needs 24hr care and I have finally got her home, after 6 years, with a care package.

I love my wife and will fight with her to the end. But been told that I need to get female company a. Not sure how I feel about that but b. How would I go about about it and who would be interested in such a relationship.



Hi Simon, is your wife funded by NHS Continuing Healthcare?
I know neither of you really want anyone else in the house, but maybe getting a female cleaner who could do some cooking for you perhaps, would give a bit of female company for your wife, especially if she was from a care agency?
How much time to yourself do you get?

Hi Simon

Firstly well done for getting your wife home. that sounds like another story in itself.

You’ve been “told” you need female company - can I ask by whom? Is that what you want? There is no right or wrong.

If it was me the starting point would be that you probably just need company. Time away from your job and your wife is vitally important. I would look at finding a way to join some regular group activities and start to make some new friends. And then take it from there.

If you wanted to find a relationship I think no one would judge you for that, certainly not here. Maybe you could look at meeting carers locally who are in a similar situation, someone who understands your situation would be a starting point perhaps?

Best of luck

Hello Simon
Well done for achieving getting your wife back with you in your home. Do hope its with care and help in place,for you both.
I feel a little confused by your post, and I do apologise.
Do you mean you have been told that you need female company for yourself, or for your wife?
If for you, then its entirely your own choice, and how you feel. You certainly don’t have to seek ’ permission’! No one has the right to judge. You obviously love your wife very much, but obviously the relationship can not be the same. Besides, female company can be friendship.
If I have it wrong, and you mean female company for your wife, then I agree with BB, a cleaner,or even someone who would talk with your wife, read to her etc? Even if you do not belong to a church or similar, Im sure you could start there?
Take care

Hi Simon
Obviously your dear wife’s needs have been assessed and care put in place but have you undergone a Carer’s assessment? When I had one it was agreed that the care company we used could provide a ‘sitting service’. This meant that one of the carers my mum already knew would come purely to sit/chat with her for a couple of hours freeing me to have some ‘me time’ out of the house. I used that time to attend a group where I made new friends and furthered an interest/hobby.
Would that kind of thing help you?

Yes I have CHC funding for a care package. Carers here during the day when I work but there is no cover/relief for time outside of that so i work come home and care for Paula, which i am not complaining about. When you love someone you are actually happy to do that. But I don’t get any time to myself, that’s it, I love spending time with Paula after all those years apart but lack and crave some intimacy. That makes me feel guilty, I don’t get out to meet other people socially other as part of my job. Would like to meet any carers groups near me but don’t know how to.



Yes I have CHC funding for a care package. Carers here during the day when I work but there is no cover/relief for time outside of that so i work come home and care for Paula, which i am not complaining about.

Hi Simon … if there is a " Shortage " in the CHC package , one for the area managers to sort out … contact details will be in in whatever papers they left with you.

CHC funding should cover ALL needs.

As for local carer groups … try an internet search … ( YOUR MANOR / AREA ) CARER SUPPORT GROUPS … al least a Carers Trust run one should be revealed ?

( Carers Trust network : The Carers Trust Network | Carers Trust )

I have just joined here. I searched for exactly this topic. I have a very similar situation. Due to a tumor follwed by a hemmaragic stroke 3 years ago my wife has been left mentally impaired as well as physically. Like Simon I would go to the ends of the earth to care and protect for my wife of 20+ years. However I also am so lonely and although I am able to work and mix with friends and colleagues I hve no idea how to go about even trying to find a lady who understands the position I am in to have aoke kind of regular intimacy. I don’t just mean sex but I miss the affection my wife and I had in abundance as after 20 years we still used to have “dates” and go to shows or concerts etc. i now feel I am just existing day to day and at 50 I realise I have less years left than have passed and it gets me so depressed thinking I will continue to go through this daily grind alone forever.
Any help on this subject out there?