I don’t know if my current situation is the sort of thing to discuss on this Former carers forum.
A little more than a year ago my father died after I had been caring and visiting him with profound dementia for more than four years. He went in there after I had been caring for him at home 24/7 but I couldn’t carry on as my mother who I had also been caring for went into a hospice and died in 2021.
Since his death I have felt like I haven’t grieved. I didn’t think I would miss being a carer, but I miss visiting and caring for my father enormously still.
I just feel like I’ve been suddenly hit in the last week by big waves of grief for both parents that I didn’t go through at the time.
I feel I need to take some time to grieve again, but a year after seems a long time and also I need to be getting on with sorting myself out.
I’m sorry to go on, but everything just feels a little impossible and I can’t think who to ask about all sorts of things,
Have you considered CRUSE which is a charity that provides bevreament support? There may be a waiting list. I think they actually prefer a gap. I think they have meetings but not sure where you live or if there is one locally? I had telephone support. You have every right to grieve. Dementia is a very cruel disease.
How old are you? How about voluntary work to meet people and build up your confidence?
Finally please consider Roll Call - it has been a life saver for me at times. We all support each other and you can share your ups and downs with us as it is a very safe place.
Welcome to the forum. Maybe it’s time to think about what you would like your future life to look like? I found caring had changed me. The best book I found was called “Starting Again” by Sarah Litvinoff. Written primarily for couples separating, it’s really good at looking forward, not backwards. Usually cheap on ebay. Probably the most helpful book I’ve ever bought.
I’m sorry to hear about your loss of your parents.
It sounds like you were caring for many years.
I agree with @Alison_1970 re contacting CRUSE. It sounds like you are experiencing Delayed Grief and they would be able to help you.
It’s not easy coping with so many life changes all at once - loss, moving home and also having to develop a totally new routine and structure to your days.
@Toft, I feel your pain. I too am in a quandary but, for different reasons. I too have lost many friends an relatives; some died, some left the UK thanks to Brexit. Having been a carer for 30+yrs, it’s difficult to move on. Letting go is hard. If you have any hobbies of favorite pastimes, indulge yourself. Try to rebuild your self asteam. Do things that make you feel good about yourself. The grieving process is long term, again I plus others on the forum, know all about it. Time will heal
