Don’t want to care anymore after diagnosis

So, I have been diagnosed with autism, though it is only minor I don’t really want to continue my caring role anymore. Mum is too reluctant to get help from carers though they have been offered, but I feel like I can no longer continue to care. She does not know about my diagnosis.

She wants me to move back in with her, but her house has suffered badly and black mold is everywhere. My bed is also very mouldy, yet the house is so full of stuff that I would not be able to move a mattress in and out safely. I don’t feel I can move back in with the sheer amount of mould there is.

Her social worker wants to get carers in and a personal assistant, but mum is very reluctant. She thinks they are going to abuse her, all thanks to my abusive aunt.

The social worker is going to discuss the care package with her on Tuesday but the abusive aunt wants to be there and I think this will really affect things.

Coolcar, hold firm and do not move back in.

Contact the social worker and explain the situation re your Mum and the abusive aunt. The social worker can then either request to speak to your Mum alone or make another visit when your aunt isn’t there.

Re your diagnosis - are you getting any support with this?

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Again you need to talk to the social worker. They can sort things out hopefully.

I am not really getting any help with this.

Mum also cannot arrange her own appointments and often misses them. Social services keep taking it that she is purposefully doing it. I suppose she is sometimes, however other times she is not really aware she is doing it. Because she misses appointments they act like this, however she has said she wants help.

Then make this clear to them.

Send them a list of all the things that you had to help her with.

She might not want care from anyone else - but that’s not your fault.

Tell them it’s a safeguarding risk and they really need to look around at the state of the house too.

I can’t remember is the house owned or private rental or social housing?

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I have spoke to safeguarding in the area, they are a useless bunch. She has a social worker who is working to help her. She is also waiting for an assessment for assisted living housing. I am hoping by her having carers, she will be placed higher up on the priority list.

The trouble is it’s hard to explain her capacity to them. Just because she understands does not mean she understands if you know what I mean.

She doesn’t understand that bills need to be paid, so therefore it’s not been included in her range. Yet bills need to be paid.

She also has a knack for missing her appointments. She has no idea she is doing it as she generally cannot remember to go as she is struggling. I believe she wants to go but she lacks the motivation and probably needs someone to go with her

You have our support here. They really want you to go back there to make THEIR life easier, but they are the ones PAID to be trying to make life better for YOU!

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The social worker has been a help. She has said to me a few times how much she feels sorry for the situation and how it’s so hard for me. I also told her that I am suspected to be autistic. After mum was attacked by a guy she was dating and he fractured her shoulder, her social worker suggested a care package. However, it has been difficult to get her to agree to it

Thanks I have managed to talk to mum in terms of getting some help. Mum wants carers in, but she is very scared about the whole thing as she is unsure. She needs a package of care but we aren’t sure what should be included. She is 55.

She has quite bad mental health problems as well as physical problems. Her house has also gotten into a state due to self neglect. It has been a real task trying to get her to agree to carers, but this could be a turning point.

Do you know if they can help with the following

  • helping her clean
    -managing her appointments and taking her to them.
    -helping her budget, and not make stupid purchases.
    -sitting with her to discuss her mental health
    -helping her with bills
    -helping her manage general day to day things such as arranging deliveries of items, making enquiries, filling in forms.
    -making sure she has taken her medication.
    -maybe helping her cook meals
    -helping to put the tv, heating on.
    -maybe taking her to activities in the community to improve her overall social health.

Although she is physically disabled, she doesn’t need help there as such, but may need it time to time if she is in pain.

She has been identified as in need for assisted living and she is waiting. Apparently there is a long list and it’s allocated based on priority. So I’m hoping this will help boost her up.

She also doesn’t want a man because she had a recent incident with one who attacked her fracturing her shoulder.

Will they be able to help with these things. I hope they are not too much.

She has no savings so I expect she may need to make some contributions, however for the meantime we are just looking at getting her back to proper health.

It should clearly state what they can do on their website. Usually they will provide a entire list of services to paying clients. Make a shortlist of care companies in the area and take it from there. Best wishes. Keep notes.

The social worker should write a “Needs Assessment” for mum, and then a “Care Plan” saying exactly what the carers have to do. She must then do a Financial Assessment. If mum doesn’t have much money she won’t be charged much, if anything. You need to see copies of these.

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She has had a needs assessment, however it was borderline if she needed care or not. The social worker visited her today to discuss care options. I think mum has accepted a lot, however I am not sure what she has accepted. The social worker will be calling me in the morning to tell me anyway.

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She is winding me up further. I noticed a charge in my bank account for her not attending an appointment she should have done. An engineer was supposed to come and fix the internet. She decided she didn’t want to wait and went out knowing too well. I have now been charged £100 for the missed appointment.

When I confront her about it, she doesn’t even answer you and starts asking questions of her own. She wants to know what I think of her fractured arm and which she asks me about all the damn time.

I am going to have a word with the social worker tomorrow to discuss this. When I ask her what the social worker said, she can’t string a full sentance together just the words “helping me”. I want to scream.

Now you are no longer living at home, your name needs taking off these accounts.

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Speak to the bank in order to see what they can do. Make brief summary notes. Most banks have schemes to benefit those with reduced mobility and impaired mental capacity (no fault of their own). Email or call.