Does my dad have OCD or autism?

Just wondering if anyone can offer any advice on caring for someone with OCD. My dad is 85 and although he has no formal diagnosis, I am pretty sure he has OCD. He reminds me very much of Jack Nicholsons character in As Good as it Gets,If I dont do things exactly the way he likes them he gets very upset. The other day it was when I was taking out the recycling to the bin at his house. He didnt like the way I was transporting the cereal packet outside. He will also start up political debates with me and it is very hard to ignore. We have very different views and I dont know what he is expecting, that I will have somehow changed my views. It feels like an onslaught and he gets upset if I dont agree with him. It is now affecting ,my marriage as I dread going to his house( I go very day) and i am becoming depressed. I dont really want to care for him but he doesnt want to go into a home and my sister doesnt support me,. I live nearby and she is an hour away, I do most of the caring.
He was assessed for dementia last year when he was in hospital/rehab home. He made hurtful comments about the staff caring for him-their ethnicity and their body size.
He said recently he thought he may have autism.
Thank you for any help.

Can you clarify is dad is living with you or you are living with dad?
Who owns the home? You/dad/ or landlord?

I don`t live with my dad. He owns his own house.

Good. In that case you are under NO obligation to do anything for him. I know how difficult this sort of situation can be. He can choose not to go into a home BUT that does not mean you have to fill in as a result. The only control he has over you is the control you let him have. Have you asked Social Services for a Carers Assessment? Ask them to fund counselling for you. It was life changing for me. As for your sister who doesn’t want him to go into a home, let her care for him for a while. Also think about your husband telling him you are his wife, not dad’s slave! Sometimes man to man works. Does he now have an official diagnosis of Dementia?

Thank you BB. They said last year he had capacity and didn`t have dementia. I will ask social services for an assessment.

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Good luck. Make some brief summary notes and know about your care home options too. I found choosing a care home too much at first but there was this useful little booklet that allowed me to narrow down my care home options. You are in my prayers.