My Partner as Dimentia and I find it very difficult to cope sometimes but I just get on with it. I am hoping people on here will help me and give me advice.
I have to do most things for my partner has she as forgotten out to do things she does try very hard and gets herself very upset that she cannot help, she gets very depressed knowing how she is and cannot and does not want to be like this. I feel guilty if I do anything I like doing like going out on my Bike but I feel guilty about doing this. She does do singing and colouring in. just stuck in a rut at the moment. Any advice would be helpful.

Hi Alan, welcome to the forum.
It’s really important that you get some guaranteed time off from caring.
A few questions will help us give best advice. I’ll be back later.

How old is your wife?
When was her dementia diagnosed?
Are you claiming Attendance Allowance for her?
Did you know she is expempt from Council Tax?
When did you last have a Carers Assessment from Social Services.
When did Social Services last do a Needs Assessment for your wife?

There’s no need to feel guilty for keeping yourself sane.

Everyone needs a break from the relentlessness of caring, everyone, including you.

I get out for a walk most afternoons for a couple of hours (except Bank Holiday weekends when the Forest is full of Grockles) and photograph Butterflies and Dragonflies and anything else that’ll sit still long enough.(Buff-tip Moth Caterpillar)

Sometimes I even find time to make a few pots, (hobby ceramicist), but I’m still on call then as there’s a bell in my garagio.(Mug) :mrgreen:

my partner is 61 and diagnosed with Dementia 5 years ago and got quite bad the last 6 months, we are not claiming anything or got social services as had any sort of assessment. we do get out for walks everyday and have coffee out, I just find it hard to see her like this and she struggles to accept it and she just wants to be back to normal.

Hi Alan.

Following BB’s post , some links to get ball rolling :

Attendance Allowance … your partner is too young ( 65 years or over ) … PIP possible :

Personal Independence Payment (PIP): What PIP is for - GOV.UK

( Provided the right flavour , the gateway to Carers Allowance … subject to the eligibilty criteria being met. )

Needs Assessment :

The Care Needs Assessment Explained | Age UK

Carers Assessment :
Carer's Assessment - Advice and help for Carers | Age UK

Council Tax Discounts ( Including S.M.I. ) :

Alzheimers Society … specialists in the field of dementia :


Finally … an online benefits calculator to ensure that all benefits / allowances out there are being claimed …
a financial m.o.t. if you like :


Feel free to ask any questions that may arise.

In that case, you have some phone calls to make this week.

  1. As your partner is under 65, be sure to claim the Personal Independence Payment as soon as possible. If you claim under 65, then you are eligible for BOTH CARE AND MOBILITY components, if you meet the criteria, and the mobility component is then paid until death.

After 65, you cannot claim the mobility element, ever!

  1. Also claim the Severe Mental Impairment exemption from Council Tax, this can be BACKDATED to the date of diagnosis!!

  2. Do you have Power of Attorney, or are you the DWP Appointee for your partner, i.e. do you handle your partner’s benefits on your partner’s behalf?

  3. Ask Social Services for a Carers Assessment for you, and a Needs Assessment for your partner, to find out what help and support is available.

You need some time on your own away from your wife. It’s mentally and emotionally exhausting watching your loved one struggle.

When mine was still able to weight bear she used to shuffle around with a zimmer frame, you couldn’t call it walking. One leg was always dragged, never lifted. Prior to that, when she could still walk almost normally she’d sometimes overdo it, and the last 50 yards or so back to the car would involve her physically dragging her left leg forwards with both hands. She could never comprehend that for me, it was like watching her being tortured, the same when shuffling around the house with the zimmer frame, despite all that, it took me three years to persuade her to have a mobility scooter. That remains mostly unused, she wants to walk, and is convinced that one day she will. She won’t, she has MS, it doesn’t suddenly disappear or cure itself, it gets worse. She wants to be normal too.

Have you be watching the…


Although very sad and I have been quite tearful but it’s also so uplifting.


Welcome to the forum!

Someone on here one told me to replace feeling guilty with feeling sad. Don’t feel guilty as your wife’s illness isn’t your fault and your are doing your best for her in tough circumstances.

Get out on your bike, get some time for yourself. And don’t for a moment feel guilty about it, it is important for your own health and well-being.

Get any benefits claimed as they will give you help to get out if your wife needs a sitting service, or help with personal care.

I would highly recommend A Selfish Pig’s Guide to Caring by Hugh Marriot. I was lucky enough to meet Hugh as his wife had the same illness as my Dad and he is far from a selfish pig, but the book has some fantastic help and advice about caring.

Have you been to any groups for those with dementia? When Mum was first diagnosed she went to a support group called “living well with dementia” which a family member went to the first and last sessions and there was a separate group for carers. Maybe ask you GP or the look on the Alzherimer’s society and see if there is anything like that local to you? I found it really helpful to meet others in the same boat.

Best of luck in tough circumstances.