Diets

New to Carers Connect
1

HI
Any advice greatfully received .
I’m a full time carer for my dad who’s got COPD, heart problems and massive hernias . He often gets constipated, but also seems obsessed with having to go the toilet each day . I’ve spoke to the doctors a few times . They just prescribe laxatives.

I try to do him meals with Vegetables half of the week , but he still just moans . He doesn’t want them . He wants chips, cooked breakfasts , fatty foods , cakes etc in sick of scrubbing the frying pan.
Sounds harsh but it’s like dealing with a child at times .
He refused to eat his dinner yesterday, I cooked him fish , mash and vegetables which I paid for .
He left it and struggled to make himself a cheese sandwich , then he ate about 20 biscuits . My sister says just let him eat what he wants , but I know in a few days he will be saying he can’t go the toilet again and she’s not here . As well as how unhealthy it is .
I’ve tried the gentle encouragement, but no joy . I said yesterday after just about giving my neck , I’m not cooking again to throw good food away .
Now I feel guilty and I’ve handled it badly .
Also changing clothes . It’s a fight to get them off him . Mom died in August and she literally ran after him hand and foot . It seems I’ve somehow just taken over the role . To the point he even talks to me like he use to her which wasn’t nice at times .
Like a slave you could say .
I love dad with all my heart , but it’s so hard at time’s .
He needs help and I try to be a friend more than a carer ,He won’t accept any outside help it’s really hard trying to do it all. Especially without even a thank you now and then . Doesn’t help the machines machines given up today . Luckily I’ve got quite a few clean sets of bedsheets in. :unamused:

2

Do you live with dad?
You CANNOT be made to care, if you don’t want to.
The only power dad has over you is the power you let him have. It took counselling for me to realise this, I was just behaving like a dutiful little girl, when I was newly widowed, newly disabled, with a disabled son and a business to run and 30 tons of lorry spares to sell!

3

Hi Lisa,
My friend sometimes says the same her Dad, expecting her to take over her Mum’s role. She has had to be firm with him re his expectations.

Re constipation and diet: drinking plenty and moving about are also very important.

How about ‘hidden’ veggies as my sister calls them e.g in soups, pasta sauces, mince dishes etc. Also fruit juices, fruit smoothies etc If he likes his biscuits and cakes -oat cookies/ flapjack/ carrot cake/ allbran fruit loaf/banana loaf / fruit crumble etc Be careful what you call it. S doesn’t like bananas but liked Gwillam cake (banana cake made by a friend) etc
Stirring flaxseeds/ linseed into cereals/ soups etc is good too. (Undetectable if ground).

I’d let him go for laxatives too - chronic constipation is something to avoid both as the caree and the carer!!

Melly1

4

Some good advice there.
Also swap white bread for wholemeal bread and white rice for brown rice.
Can you stop buying him sweet biscuits and cakes? They are mostly just sugar and fat. If they’re not there then he can’t eat them!!

5

If you don’t live with him, then go on strike, tell him you are not going to be his slave any more. If he won’t eat your food, then he can get someone else to cook, and clean and everything else for him!