Deterioration and being vacant

How do you cope when the person person just looks at you blankly and or then gets annoyed when you try to give them an instruction? For example my nan wouldn’t get up off the toilet (i heard her pee already), or trying to get her to get of the arm chair to go to bed (she had been dosing off).
I tell her in both english and Italian and use hand gestures. She has deteriorated physically so i help her get up.

Hi Yasmin, nan is clearly getting some age related mental problems.

Can I ask how old she is, and if the doctor is aware of this problem? Ask him to arrange for the Continence Nurse to visit. They are very diplomatic and will probably quietly assess mum’s ability to understand.

Does she receive Attendance Allowance?

She is 88, we have an appointment about incontinence at the hospital. Her dementia has really accelerated just in the last week. She now sleeps on and off all day and it was only the other week that we went on the bus (she has an outdoor frame) to a cafe fairly locally. Plus she needs the zimner frame at home.
We do also have a gp appointment next week.

Yes she gets the allowance.

Usually there is an Incontinence Nurse attached to the doctor’s surgery, who can arrange free pads etc.
Nan is now very elderly, she may be nearing the end of her natural life.
I know how sad this is, I’ve now lost all four of our parents, my brother and husband.
Are your parents still alive to help you make any arrangements for nan’s future care?

This can be caused by a urine infection, (and may have nothing to do with her dementia), usually uti-s are harmless in themselves and often without other symptoms, but they can lead to strange behaviour.

Might be worth a read.

But i don’t know if a UTI would also affect her mobility

Yeh we get the NHS nappies but she only needs them at night or when we go out (just in case).
The referal appointment is because she pees more in the night than during the day, her nappy fills up and ends up leaking.

Also one of daughter’s (my aunt) who lives not too far away is helping with arrangements. Her other daughter lives abroad and my mum is no use.

Google search…

Although not a UK web site. I think might help with some answers or what to look for.

Hi Yasmine,

Yes frequently a UTI does affect mobility. However, in my mum’s case, she eventually was unable to walk. As the dementia gets worse, the brain no longer sends a signal to the legs to work. This may not be the case for you but it is a possibility, unfortunately.

As for how you cope, the short answer is with as much help as possible and one day, one hour at a time. There comes a point though in the progression of the illness when one carer is not enough and that a nursing home may have to be considered.

Thinking of you,