Dementia test

Today I am sad. I have suspected for quite a while that my poor husband has vascular dementia. Today the doctor very kindly came to our house and carried out an initial test. Poor hubby hardly got a single thing right. Did not know the year, month or day. Could not count backwards or remember the 3 items the doc asked him to recall. We now have to arrange for blood tests and after that will see the memory clinic.
Since the doctor levy hubby has not said a word. I think I did the right thing but how do I deal with his sadness? Will he forget that the consultation even happened? How far along the slippery slope is he? He is so much worse than I expected.

Hi Kate

You have done the right thing!! My personal choice is knowing as much as possible. Something can’t be avoided and have to be face full on. You need to make sure you receive support.

Can I ask your ages and what help if any you are currently receiving.

My hubby will be 73 this month and I am 66. He has had numerous strokes, 4 last year, the last in June 2019. Since then we seem to have balanced his meds so things have settled down. Physically he’s not bad and when the weather is cooler we manage good walks. I have POA for finance and medical although we are waiting for the Office of the Public Guardian to finally register the medical one.
He receives Attendance Allowance.
It’s only now that we have faced the dimentia head on so do not have any other support at the moment. At this stage I am coping fine but I realise things will change. We have 2 wonderful daughters who are a great support.
Recently he’s been awake at night but I make myself stay asleep. I know he’s safe within the confines of our little flat. He wanders around but I don’t get up to help him. I know I need my sleep to help me cope and if I were to fuss over him I the night then neither of us would sleep.
We have blood tests tomorrow and then will have to see when the Memory Clinic can be scheduled.
It broke my heart today to see just how badly he did in the tests the doctor gave him. I had no idea he was that bad.

Hi Kate

We have blood tests tomorrow and then will have to see when the Memory Clinic can be scheduled.

How did things go.

HUGS, Kate.
It tales a while to get your head round this, rather like a mourning process, so be kind to yourself.

When you are ready, try to think how you can make life at home as easy as possible, you can’t do the work of two people.
When I was disabled, the best thing I ever did, after being bullied by my son, was to get rid of every single flower border and shrub in the garden. Now my son mows the lawn, a quick round with the garden tractor (it’s quite big) and the job is done. Now I have a larger patio with lots of pots and flowers, and hanging baskets in a hanging basket tree
I have a washer dryer, a tumble dryer, and a dishwasher, they are my “mechanical slaves”.

Hi Kate, Try to think positive. Do some research to find out what things he can do to slow the disease down.

I don’t think you can do anything to significantly affect the progress of the disease, however, you can be very determined to live the best life you both can. I’ve now had 8 operations, I’m not the same person I used to be, with significant physical limitations that daily frustrate me. That’s the bad bit.
The good bit is that without those operations I’d either be dead or in a wheelchair, so I’ve got a lot to be grateful for. I make the most of what I can do, and try not to get stressed about the things I can’t.
Shopping online, especially at the moment, takes away a lot of stress. I can’t book for this week, but I can book for the week after, so I just order 2 weeks in advance, as long as I get to the minimum £60 I can book a delivery. It really doesn’t matter what I book initially, as long as I give my card details. I can change the order until midnight the day before anyhow.
I’ve used both Tesco and Waitrose, the two supermarkets nearest me. Both are very good. Tesco sells gammon cheaper than Waitrose, but I like some of Waitrose things better, so I vary which company I order from now and then.
Just concentrate on reducing stress and enjoying life as much as possible. Things like going for a walk will help keep you as fit as possible, which helps both of you.

Life is strange but throughout our lives we somehow have been steered In the right direction. About 18 months ago, after hubbies heart surgery, we sold our house and moved into a lovely little retirement flat just 100 yards from my daughter. We have lovely neighbours and family support. Life would have been so much more complicated if we had not moved and downsized. Of course we never imagined life would end up like this but there you go.
Since the doctors dementia test hubby has been quite happy and it certainly appears that he has completely forgotten that the doctor was here and his diagnosis. I wonder how long it will be before we hear about the Memory Clinic

What are you best hopes/outcome and your worse fears? How did you feel after the assessment.

What are my hopes and fears? Hmmm. I want my hubby to be happy. I worry that he will become anxious and frightened or depressed. He is such a kind loving person and I would hate to lose that part of him. My brain tells me he will deteriorate and may have to end up in a home but I hope that won’t be necessary for a long time. We live in a lovely little ground floor flat overlooking a pretty garden. I watch him sitting in his chair, looking out at the garden between sleeping, and wonder how long he will be there.
The thought of losing him , mentally and physically breaks my heart but I know it will happen. I often wonder how long we have. I read that the prognosis of vascular dementia is about 4 years. What about Alzheimer’s? If I’m honest with myself, there have probably been signs of dementia for about a year but I put it down to stroke damage rather than an actual disease in itself.
I wish we could get the Memory Clinic over and done with. I need someone to sit me down and say ‘Right, this is what you are facing and this is what’s going to happen in the future’. If I know what a problem is then I can make a plan. The lack of knowledge and answers is what frustrates me. I know there are many people who are in a much more difficult position and sometimes I feel guilty about feeling sorry for myself.
We had a lovely day today watching our grand daughter play cricket. He loved it and so did I. It didn’t matter that her team lost, it didn’t matter that he couldn’t follow the score. We had fun and he was happy. I want a lot more days like that.
I really appreciate the support from this forum.

Hello Kate
I must admit, when I was told officially that my lovely husband had vascular dementia, I felt a sense of…can’t say relief, but at least my suspicions were correct, so could start to adjust. Not knowing was worse for me. Taught myself to make the best of good times,and remind myself when he was difficult, that it wasn’t his fault. Not always easy.

That was exactly how I felt after seeing the GP and he diagnosed dementia. A strange relief that I want imagining it all. Unfortunately, although he asked if we had any questions, I couldn’t think of a single one.

Kate although you are posting on here and find it’s be very useful. And please keep posting. You may also find this forum useful.

Although not formally diagnosis I hope the above maybe of use.

hello Kate. Just sending you some love. My Mum was diagnosed with Alzheimers in Autumn 2016 and is now very frail but she is a lot older than your husband.

Well we had a telephone dementia test on Monday. I was told he scored 10/39 so not good I presume. The Memory Clinic guy will now pass on the info to the consultant for a formal diagnosis which we will hear by phone next week. He spoke about Alzheimer’s and Vascular dementia.
My poor hubby was very down afterwards but within an hour he had forgotten all about it and back to his happy self.
So now we know and carry on.

Am sad to read that Kate. At least you know now. Guessing and worrying is worse in my opinion. Try to rest if you can tonight. Tomorrow is another day.
( Hugs)