Dad with vascular dementia

Hi all, I am after any advice.

My wife is currently looking after her dad who has vascular dementia, due to alcohol abuse. He is currently in hospital with a problem with his liver, he thinks that he is in the pub.

My wife and her dad have never had a good relationship because of the alcohol. He lives in a council flat and has around £1800 per month in pension and pip payments.

The hospital hasn’t mention him coming home and we do not think that he could cope by himself. He is unwilling to shower and is soiling himself ( which my wife cleans up). He will not entract with the carers ( these are a private company, which we pay for) and he very unstable on his feet. We have stop all his alcohol.

We are worried that the hospital will make us look after him, can they do this? Can we refuse to take him home?. We don’t want anything from him, any advice please.

No one can be forced to care for anyone else, no matter how much a hospital gives you a different idea!

Dad needs to be in an EMI home, Elderly Mentally Infirm. The cost should be met entirely by him.

I know it sounds horrible to said that we don’t want to look after him, however my wife works full night and she also looked after her mother for around 18 years ( her dad was in the pub).

Dementia is a horrible illness, however his was self inflicted ( banged his frontal lobe on a curb drunk). He was told time after time by the doctors to cut his dunking down.

I don’t think the hospital knows what to do with him,

You must both stand firm. It is NOT your job to find a place for dad. As you say it was self inflicted, now he has only himself to blame for his condition.

Have a conversation with PALS at the hospital…

Hi Mathew

I am so sorry to hear this, they can not force you to care for your father in law and he needs to be in a care home.

I am currently 2 and a half years in to caring for my dad with vascular and mixed Alzheimer’s along with 10 mm aneurysm, he is only 67 years old. I am doing everything, all thou he can still shower and use the toilet! My fathers dementia is also due to alcohol and life style but he was not a bad father in the way of not providing and being around. All thou I did spend a lot of my childhood around pubs.

I really feel for you guys! life is so unfair…

KAIZ, why do you not have help?
I dad getting Attendance Allowance?
Did you know that he has been totally exempt from Council Tax since he was diagnosed with dementia?

Thanks for all the replies. We have decided that we are going to refuse to take him from the hospital. He is unable to use the toilet without supervision from the nursing staff, he is classed as a high risk of falling. They don’t seem to be in a rush to kick him off the ward anyway. I think it’s a case of wait and see.

I hate alcoholics and the damage that they do to their family, who are the one’s left to pick up the pieces.