D in Hospital

He was taken in last Friday by ambulance, having lost a lot of blood and weight and with low blood sugars. He was diagnosed with a duodenal ulcer, for which he was treated, but the hospital’s main concern has been his refusal to eat or take his meds. Some days he complies with his treatment regime, other days not. When I visited him yesterday, he looked dreadful - skin and bone - but he managed to eat a bit for me - the first all day apparently. The ward sister asked about me coming in each day to encourage him to eat - told her I had other care-ees and she didn’t pursue it. D has been diagnosed with agitated depression and is on medication for it. I brought a radio in for him. Today’s report was much better - he slept well, was in good form this morning, had taken his meds and a drink of milk. I’ll check again shortly and if necessary will go in, but otherwise will go tomorrow, as planned. The visiting is normally on alternative days, but the ward sister said they could accommodate me going every day. It has been good to get a break from the caring role.


It’s a nightmare having a caree in hospital, especially when you have others to look after as well.

D is now in a care home and is quite settled there. He was transferred to an assessment bed there a couple of weeks ago, which meant he was still under the care of the hospital, but not in the hospital itself. For those two weeks we had window visits only - the window was opened slightly and the carers pulled D’s bed over as close as possible to the window. Those visits didn’t last long as it was difficult to hear each other and we were both cold. It was good when the restrictions came to an end and I was able to visit D indoors.

As the two weeks assessment came to an end, it was decided that D should stay in the care home for now - the decision has still to be made if this needs to become permanent, but he is at high risk of falling and cannot make his own decisions. A social worker did the assessment said he seemed to think he was at home already and looked at her as if she had two heads when she mentioned the idea of going home. The decision that he stay on in the care home was partly influenced by a statement that our oldest son and I wrote about our family situation here. If he were to come home at this stage, he would have 2 carers coming in four times a day and have no night cover. He would also have to have a hospital bed for safety reasons.

I used to feel sorry for people whose spouses were in nursing or residential care while they, the non-care-ee were still living at home - I never dreamed that i would end up in that position myself, but it is good to know that he is being looked after in a nice home.


Hi Gilli, from what you have described he is where he needs to be, but I’m sure your emotions are all over the place.
Look after yourself as much as you can.

Hi Gilli.
I definitely understand your emotions about this.
It’s needed for all of you.
Take care of yourself as much as you can xx

Sending you ((((hugs)))) Gilli. It sounds like he is settled where he is and getting the care he needs.