Very upset today, I was crying, I am a man, men don’t cry, but I was just so upset.
Everywhere there is reminders of my caree, looking at the films on tv, he would like that then I remember.
I used to do all his shopping, I go shopping now, reach out to grab things and again remember, don’t have to buy this or that.
Going past the restaurant he liked, going to the park, sitting on his bench, we would talk for hours there.
I walk past his house everyday, someone else living there now, like he never existed.
Everywhere there are reminders and people talk to me, does it help, one said you will come to terms with it in time, time heals all wounds.
Another lady said, you will probably never come to terms with it, true I think do you, can you?
Very difficult these constant reminders.
I honestly feel I am on the edge of a nervous breakdown, shouldn’t be like this, I got no support while caring very stressful, the caring role has gone but I am reliving it on a day by day basis.
Time to think differently. Crying like this is GOOD for you, it shows you are grieving WELL. All the stress of event years is running out of you. Six months after the bereavement is the worst. Be kind to yourself, trea yorself. Just learning that you can read a book without worrying seems odd at first. Go for a walk every day in the fresh air. Think of it as trading water. Your old life is gone, and your new life will gradually emerge. A man crying? No shame in that.
********Londonbound, Reading your post I am struck by what a warm, human, caring and yes loving Carer you were and still are.
The person you no longer have with you in body ( but I’m sure is still with you in spirit) would be deeply touched by your honesty and real human feelings.
Time does not heal. Would you really want it to? Memories are so precious. If they make you cry you are no less of a man and a deeply caring one at that.
“All We Can Do”
“No words can comfort all we can do
Is share your North face route with you.
No one can take your pain away
Or cut bereavement’s journey short.
Perhaps you would not want them to
Your grief is all that’s left to you
Of your loved one who could not stay.
All we can do is walk with you
And try to match our steps to yours.
Just keep on walking day by day.
But let us share that cold road too
To walk a little way with you”
( by Mary Sheepshanks)
“Everywhere there are reminders” these may make you weep but they are treasures for you to think of and keep stored in your memory as you begin your new life.
May your memories give you renewed strength.
I’m so sad reading your post. Men and boys are allowed to cry! It’s vital. Whether in private or openly.
I too can suddenly have a weep unexpectedly,( have recently lost my lovely husband). Sometimes it’s at the most odd things, like going into the pound shop. We used to go into the pound shop when on holiday, in UK, the same as Edinburgh Woollen mill. It was a jokey must do, started by going in because it was raining!
It’s a memory. A good one, which I am glad I have. It’s a difficult time. Make the best of any good days you have, and you will, and as BB pointed out to me, days of feeling down, let them happen, the world can manage without me today.
Perhaps not being much help to you, but certainly thinking of you.
Oh goodness. This is a good thing. Let it out. Men SHOULD absolutely cry. It is all part of the process of grief. I teach my little boy that feeling sad and having a cry is an important part of life.
My Dad died in Feb and I’m not really sure I’ve grieved for him at all yet. I just feel really traumatised by the last couple years of his life which were a battle to get some help. I also care for my mum and have two small children so just sort of have to soldier on. But also had a good weep about it all yesterday. It felt better.
Please let us know if any other help you need from us.
Hi Lizzie
I contacted Calm but really not helpful, rather than helping i think its just another bad experience , i won’t be contacting Calm again but would like to feed back to Carers UK my experiences of Calm.
Who do i contact you? or is there someone behind the scenes, really don’t feel Calm were any help at all.
Hi Londonbound. I’m really sorry to hear that you had a bad experience. Please send a private message to ‘Michael Carers UK’ explaining your experience. Michael is the Head of Membership and Volunteering. He will discuss it with our Safeguarding Lead.