Admittedly I’ve not read all of the forum. I’ve been lead here, at 3.18am on a Saturday to complete my work from the week because I’ve fell behind from carering. I’m 30 years old, male, and I feel like I’ve reached desperation honestly. I’m sure I’m not the only one during this difficult time. I’m also sure that looking from the outside in, that its not that bad, but that not how I feel currently.
I work a full-time international role. So I almost do have flexi hours as long as I ask permission from the boss and the director which is more daunting than it seems (They do know the situation). The individual which I care for is my Nan. She is 70 odd years old with COPD, FMS and various lung infections with the journey.
I fully admit, I must have been her career for the last 8 years without acknowledging it because I had the regular break of 8 hours of work time, and having a few hours on a weekend. However, since the current lockdown rules in Wales, this has come more to light., ( I imagine its because her exercise routine has stopped.) I currently feed, dress and keep the house running. My Nan receives a blue badge benefit and DVLA car but this doesn’t cover anything else. We have discussed the idea of having a stanna stair lift, and possibly needing to go into assisted living if I move in/marry my current partner (we’ve been together 6 years). I think its been delayed on my part my multiple reason, however, she’s growing impatience, and I can’t say I dont believe her. I’m a step father, partner that hasn’t been present for the last 12 months other than video call.
I guess I am asking for help and advice. Without sounding horrible, after over a year of shielding together, I’ve sacrificed personal relationships because it was required, I’m now becoming to the end of my tether. My nan has 4 children, 3 in the country, but its been left to me (eldest of 5 grandchildren) to take care of her. I love her more than anything, I just feel after this extended period I’m no longer at my best to provide care and juggle my job with her needs. We don’t receive any help from family or government.
I guess I am embarrassed to ask for any help, as a grown man I should be able to manage this, but as lockdown as gone on, I’m faltering, and my Nan deserves much better care than I can possibly give right now. In the days that its a struggle to look after myself, its an even greater task to look after somebody more vulnerable. I’m sure we are not the worse people off right now, but I do feel like I am in need of help, am not sure what else I can do.
I know I’m not providing the best care I can possibly can, and I know without a break right now I’m unlikely to re-energize that kind of patience right now.
Does anyone have the same couple of days where its the same couple of conversations? My god, I’ll lose my mind if I hear about the neighbors moving their cars one more time. WHO CARES??? I certainly don’t, but that keeps her mind occupied.
I guess I’m just reaching out, I don’t know what my answer is right now. I just hope we can all make it through, before it seemed a lot easier than a year of now, and I guess it was when I had to attend an office. Attending to why Facebook games aren’t loading as fast right now because I am working from home, and attending meetings via video calls is beyond comprehension.
I hope everyone is well.
Thanks, and I’m sorry for ranting.

You have every right to rant!
It’s time for you to put yourself first. Find somewhere else to live with your partner, set a date to move there and stick to it. You have been used terribly by the rest of the family, all putting themselves first. Now accept that you have a right to put yourself first, to have a partner, kids, a happy life.