Christmas ...31 years post stroke

New to Carers Connect
1

So here we are again…christmas time . 31 years ago , in the September of 94 , our world changed , a pesky blood clot in OH brain causing 3 strokes , age 30. We transported into the world and life of life long chronic illness and to us, “old mans disease”

That christmas with our young family was different . I was stressed, had no money , as I was clueless to any benefit support , and I put up a cheap plastic tree from Woolworths.

In the years that followed , christmas was better , then the teen years , and the last 15 years have been difficult, as this time year OH health, mental health and depression all take a dive. Our grown beautiful family have thier beautiful hetic families and we kind of feel , in the way and old at 61 and 62.

Last year , OH was weak, and looked liked death , i was back in ‘ widow’ mode , believing he is going die . March came , another heart op , clearly needed , wasnt our imagination , and recovery jas been slow.

Last few days , hes gone done hill again . He Had a bad fall 5 weeks ago cracked two ribs ( i also had a fall , torn hamstring , but thats a different story)

GP and local hospital not concerned as “ only cracked ribs” now hes out of breath , refusing any intervention of going to get checked out , hes had enough , he wants out , his body has packed up and so here i am again , alone , dealing with the emontial fallout . we havent invited anyone over for christmas , i havent even put the bloody tree up, last week we said goodbye to our 15 yr old jack russell , i just couldnt cope with her doggy dementia as well , she was asleep all day , up all night , we were both exhausted and it was her time.

so yes we are sad , he is sad , but also in pain ( 31 years of post stroke pain) we are both recoverying from our falls , and i just want this cheistmas over with.

Thankfully , we have been asked around for dinner to our daughter and our son and his family will be there. Ive spent a small fortune on providing the turkey , cheese and wine . now OH is saying he doesnt “feel right” , but wont get checked out, and im inclined to agree …its all too much . whats the point? we dont need the stress . ( gps, appointments, go to a and e , flu , packed waiting rooms etc etc etc ) we just want to be home , and indoors , with each other.

so ive decided this christmas is going to one roast dinner , and thats it . No tree and all the tat. Ive bought presents for our 10 grandchildren thats done.

all i can say , if you are healthy , you are wealthy .

6 Likes
2

Hi @maria_1507. My dad was the only person I’d heard of who lived over 30 years post stroke: he was 52 when he had his. He died back in 2012. I recognise a lot of the things you’ve gone through as things my mum went through with dad up until he died - the extra heart issues, pain from the stroke, falls, etc. And the giving up at times. It’s relentless. My wife has different health issues, but the last 11 years have been really difficult, and I can see how easy it would be to say “stuff it!”

What’s good though is that you’re going to see your grandkids, and there’s nothing like children to make Christmas feel better. Hopefully you’ll both feel that when you go. I know my mum struggled after dad died, and the only thing that cheered her up was being around my autistic son (now 40) who has never lost the magical feeling of Christmas. Even when we really don’t feel like it, he brings it out of us. He’s infectious! I feel sure you’ll get the same buzz from your grandchildren…

3 Likes
3

@maria_1507 hello
My circumstances are a little different to yours. However my lovely late husband suffered strokes, one major. He was older than your husband. He also had delirium which was horrendous . Eventually dementia and other health issues.
I have 5 adult grandchildren and 2 great grandchildren. I agree with Charles. The grandchildren make life worth living and as my 2 great grandchildren are younger, 6 and 3 Christmas is once again very magical.
You have and are still having an awful time and my heart goes out to you. Enjoy your day with your family and make a lovely memory.
Health is wealth and so is the love of family

4 Likes
4

Gosh Maria, 31 years post stroke! You deserve a medal. :1st_place_medal:

My husband had a major stroke just over a year ago and it affected all his right side. He can walk a few steps with a quadstick in the house and cannot use his right hand and arm at all. He is in a lot of pain from back pain which should have been operated on a couple of years ago but his BP was sky high and they refused. He gets very depressed because he can do so little and often says he wishes the stroke had finished him off. He was 71 when he had the stroke and it really worries me that he may not have many years left to improve his quality of life and also that I may not be able to do all the pushing, dressing, caring etc that I am able to now. I am the same age!

I try and get him to do as many exercises as I can, I take him once a week to the gym and we go out in the car as often as we can. He needs loads of help with everything now and his speech and memory have also been badly affected.
I seldom go out without him because I feel so sorry for him being stuck indoors with only the TV and he was never a TV person but I would LOVE some time to myself.

I understand every word you have written and I hope you can enjoy your Christmas. :heart:

3 Likes
5

@maria_1507 …I’m sorry that you’ve had such a hard time for so long. That’s good that you will be with your daughter and her family on xmas day. I hope you have a lovely time.

3 Likes
6

@maria_1507 Big hugs…I really feel for you. 31 years wow. What you must have been through and navigated - geez! I’m impressed, inspired, scared and gobsmacked all at once.

What a rollercoaster over the last year, and now a fall. Oof that’s so hard for both of you…I do wish people would stop making flippant, flipping remarks like ‘only cracked ribs’ - it cruelly undermines the impact his fall on his quality of life, everyday, and the emotional burden on him AND you, trying to coach-coax him on.

Heartfelt condolences for the loss of your fur baby - it sounds like she was struggling poor thing.

Ummm please don’t get all guilty about no decorations or tree - our house looks like it’s any other time of year except there are a lot of Xmas cards - that’s the only kind of decoration right now.

You’ve been asked around to your daughters but you don’t have to go. No guilt, no obligations - geez after everything you guys have been through do whatever you like! I hear your OH about 'not getting checked…you’re entitled to choose. Plus emergency services are always there…

A roast sounds nice and easy. Be kind to yourself as well as your OH @maria_1507 that hamstring needs rest too!

@Charlesh47 thank you for conjuring up some magic…what a joy Mike is

1 Like
7

Thank you for your reply, 52 was young too!

Its a long haul. Tonight he looks , and feels awful . He complaining of the tell tale symtoms that something is wrong . I found him sitting on the stairs tonight , he said , he waiting for me , as he felt dizzy and weak.

Hes showered , fed and gone to bed early tonight. Im sitting here wondering how to approach this situation , Ive been here so many times before.

I managed to get the GP to agree to an chest xray , so took him for that this morning , I just want to rule out any build up in his lungs that might be hiding there.

Its definately the right coronary artery again , 98% stented , they call it a “ full metal jacket” and it keeps getting clogged up . They then balloon it and clear it . but the episodes between are getting closer and closer , it only had it done in March this year.

Decsision is made , tree not going up . my son told me last night, not to bother, he said he felt his tree looked liked it been trashed !

lol. made me smile.

3 Likes
8

A year in the world of stroke , is early , early days.

So much can change , but its a slow process. My husband struggled the first 4 years, they said he would never do this and that again , but he did.

Strength is important , even no matter how small. One day at a time. x

5 Likes