Hello,
I am brand new to carers connect, I feel like I NEED help somewhere or somehow.
I am caring for my partner who is 69 and has this year gone through his first ever episode of mental health. Things got really bad and he developed psychosis that all stemmed from a heart op. He’s recently discharged from hospital and he is making progress BUT my anxiety and worry is proving too much.
I wake up every morning feeling like I can’t do this anymore, I wake up feeling sick to my stomach. I’m not eating properly I’m not feeling normal. I don’t know what to do.
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@Lawz….welcome to the forum, sorry to hear what you’re going through. Do you have any outside support such as carers coming in to help? Have you talked to your dr and told them how you are feeling.
Welcome to the forum. You’ve had a really tough time. Does your partner need any practical help after the heart op? If so, some free care should have been arranged. I’ve had a number of ops myself, and supported my mum through many more.
Others know more about psychosis. How long was he in hospital for this?
Do you feel he needs more help than he’s getting?
Having someone in hospital is tough. Putting a brave face on when you are worried, sorting out clean clothes, driving to the hospital, parking, trudging down long corridors, etc. really takes it’s toll.
Inevitably once the patient is back home they just want to rest and recover, a sort of “hangover” , but so do you! Be kind to yourself, and put your own needs first for a while. Rest and sleep, maybe have a time after lunch when you are “off duty”.
What would help you most? Extra support? A short break?
Thank you for your reply. No i have not done any of that I just want to run away from the situation. There’s no one that can help me
I need a break from it all
@Lawz welcome, your story is mine too. My 68 years old husband of 46 years had his first mental breakdown spring 23. It is frightening, as you lose the person you knew so well. I came to this forum and felt able to say just how I felt, the anger, frustration, fear.
You will need to ask for help as mental health is NOT seen as important, at least not by my GP.
Keep a diary of what you are being told and by who, as there will be a lot of different people involved.
Set very clear limits about what you are prepared to do.
Get a Carers Assessment as they can also point you to groups to attend, I am going to my group of mental health carers this afternoon. They really understand the demands of an illness that very often is not seen. And not understood.
A charity that can give you a break is Carefree, short breaks for small admin fee. Think about that when you feel strong enough.
Get your GP to recommend you get mental health support, you may be able to self refer. It takes time to get it so begin the process. If you feel better when it comes through then you can just give it a pass.
Share how you feel here, it is very supportive and you can get good advice too
Sending hugs
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I didn’t think I’d come here and meet someone who is going through the same as myself. Do you still care for your husband? How are things now? I feel so overwhelmed. Thank you so much for replying
@Lawz , yes I still care for him. His medication has settled his anxiety but he has totally withdrawn from life, now just stays in his bedroom.
I went through darks times, lonely times, anger and frustration. I have lost my husband, he has been replaced by this person who only needs me to supply medication and food.
You will have dark times, I did. Coming here and knowing you are not the only one helped me. I hope you feel the same.
I had to draw clear lines and set boundaries. Easier said than done but I am now getting to the other side of that. You will too.
I hope you have friends close by who you can chat to, I was lucky I did. It is important to get out and make time for yourself and not get lost in their needs.
You will feel sad at losing what could have been, perhaps dreams you had for this time of life. It is called ambiguous grief I think. I had it when Dad got dementia which I think is where the term comes from. But allow yourself to be sad, to cry, don’t put on a brave face.
My friends don’t understand his mental illness but they are there when I want to pop out for lunch or a coffee/cake. It helps.
Take small steps at getting out, it gets better, sending hugs
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Lawz, most people find the forum in a crisis. We all have a breaking point, I met mine. Did you know that no one can be forced to care for someone else, not even a wife for a husband?
Have you spoken to your GP?
I’ve been a carer for almost 50 years. Not just my son, brain damaged at birth in 1979, but my husband’s parents, my parents, my brother, nephew, niece, daughter in law, at different times in different ways. My husband died in his sleep, at home.
Soon after he died, I went away on a bargain break in Tiverton.
Not a holiday, just getting away from everything.
I took a notebook, and recorded random notes about how I was feeling. (I have kept a diary for many years now, it’s interesting to see how things change).
Later, I took my sewing machine away to stay in cheap cottages out of season, and sew in peace.
Your life has been turned upside down, many of your dreams have been dashed, and your relationship changed for the foreseeable future. It’s a kind of bereavement, and you need time to grieve, in peace.
It’s impossible to predict the future, so for the next few months, try to focus on the here and now.
YOUR health is more important than ever right now.
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@Lawz Hi, just checking in to see if you are coping? Been a while, have you been able to get some support and a chance to have a break?
Keep safe
Still hard. Thanks for checking in.
I take every day as it comes but just feels like life is passing away. I get very stressed at all things in life now. Trying to get help on waiting list etc
@Lawz hi, glad you got back on forum. It is hard for you, and lonely I imagine. I know I felt lonely and felt lost. It is all overwhelming as I don’t think there is enough understanding of coping with mental ill health.
I am feeling so much more in control now but if you had said I would feel like this six months ago I wouldn’t have thought it possible. Try to get out, even for a walk, just to get away from the pressure.
Carefree is a system that provides a couple of nights at hotels for a nominal fee, perhaps have a look at that for a break if you think it would help.
It is hard, they drag you down and you can feel helpless. Just know that people are here who understand. Keep strong, hugs